Category: happyness

Rejection affects you all your life

JoBarker3 Comments

I have been rejected and judged by people since I was a kid.

I remember sitting on a cold step in playing ground crying and alone ,not noticing the bell to come in and still sitting there in silence…..this is rejection.

I’ve been single forever ,I have never had a relationship never had sex never had companionship ….sadly missed out on these wonderful things ….not by choice,by other people’s choices

I’m now 40 and the rejection is not just of men but lack of friends to and social life is still with my hurting It affects you your whole life .Emotionally it does not completely go as it is still happening.

I noticed since my late to mid 20s I lost all hope ,I don’t get hopeful because I just expect the worst ,Because sadly that is what happens ,I have no hope left in me ,sadly because I know I’ll be rejected and worst is always going to happen to me.

Then I ask myself ,am I ugly? What is wrong with me? Why does a man not want me? Why do people not want to be friends?

I try to be a good person I treat people as I’d like to be be treated my self ,I have good manners ,show people I care ….yet here I am 40 years old unmarried no social life apart from at church and in text messages???

Why ? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t people love me like I love them? I feel cursed like I’ve done something really really evil to suffer this the whole of my life .

At age 28 I said to myself I condemn myself to my fate I will most likely die old and alone and have a poorpas grave …if I’m really lucky I’ll have a faithful dog by my side.

But that is where I see my future ,this is also why dogs are important to my life they love you they are there they bring you happiness when no one else will.

Things I’ve lost: HOPE ,LUCK ,HAPPYNESS

Things I have to give : Love , Loyalty,faith,compaction,friendship

I have a lot of love in my heart I try to tell family and anyone I care about I love them because I will regret it if I don’t and if something bad happens it’s important to tell people you love them as it brings happiness.

Not being told your loved or cared for you get tears rejection pain and cry on your pillow endless nights ….I’m 40 and still do that I’ve been doing that since I can remember.

I can only dream of what it’s like to be loved by a man and that is most likely all it ever will be …just a dream that will never happen….it’s painful knowing this future and not experiencing having love from someone ….it would probably make me the happiest woman on earth if it did happen..

But until then sadness will always dwell with me.

What it feels like to still be single near 40

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I am edging closer to 40 ,will be 40 in September ,I have official been single forever ,and not had sex ever!!

I have been rejected by all men ,even one who fell for me then rejected I have been rejected by my soulmate .

Inside it feels horrible ,leaves you thinking what’s wrong with you,? Why so much bad luck? What evil have I done to deserve so much rejection and pain? Am I ugly ?

I have done nothing wrong but be an honest caring loving person always been nice to people and given them love and made them feel good…in return they brake my heart leave me crying in bed this I’ve been doing now all my life…for once in my life I’d like happiness and love ,loyalty and friendship and passion ,never had that ever…why don’t you like me??

Why I haven’t blogged much recently

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I have always believed in God ,Jesus ,Mary and all the unexplained mysteries of this world .I have always had faith and always prayed.

I recently joined a local catholic church and got Baptised in April I have since learnt more and things I did not know about my faith that I never knew before.

Now I go to Mass every Sunday with my Mum & Dad ,I feel more at peace now than ever I have no anger ,hate or jealousy in me at all , just lots of peace love and hope positive feelings and happiness ,I still have sadness and insecurities at times ,but I have feelings and emotions.

I’m still in love with the same man ,still believe he is my soulmate ,but sadly haven’t seen him in person for ages and that gets to me ,coz everyone else friendships are normal and see their friends regularly…still wonder at times about my social and love bad luck??

Single Women Don’t have to Have Kids!

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Recently on Twitter there has been some uproar about people saying “Single Women HAVE to have kids”.It’s rubbish no one has to do anything they don’t want to do.

As a single woman who does not want kids Id like to explain my reasons for not having or wanting kids…then we will get on to the nasty people on Twitter!

I’m 39 I have Asburgers ,I have a history of depression ,stress and anxiety.y9u cannot have kids with these I know for a fact I’d brake down in to a huge depression and probably end up I’ll in hospital.Also I have been single since I was born in 1983 .I don’t have much money to my name ,I can’t afford a house or anything expensive so I won’t be able to afford kids.Also If I did end up with a man he would have to be single with no kids from past relationships…..I really do not want any of that at all,I’d rather have a partner who has no kids no baggage no physco exs.just a nice clean slate.These reasons should make perfect sense to anyone with a brain!!

Now to the trolls and bullies ,I noticed some nasty people put comments that are totally sexist and so old fashioned cob webs were floating on them.There is no need for nasty comments you cannot bully women or force them into being with child …that would be classed as rape you stupied idiots!

Some men were saying women were put on earth to give birth….well not all of us you historically old old people from 1800s ,we have personal choice and reasons for not wanting kids ,plus no money and illness that make us unable to be good mum’s,and there are some bad parents out there …..DO NOT TELL ME there isn’t becous6 there is ….you seem to forget about that when making your sexist old comments!!

No human is perfect and some people who have kids who are on drugs ,have metal health and other issues not all but some have no idea how to treat there kids ,also there are abusive parents….so don’t make out having kids is happy ever after for everyone ….becouse it’s not …..some people really cannot cope with the stress.

It’s your choice ladies if you don’t want kids don’t have them don’t let these losers force you into things you don’t want to do!

Need Art Group back In my life 😭

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Since stupid COVID my art group closed ,and with that my social life and life as I knew it went back to how it was before art group.

At Art group every Tuesday it was the highlight of my week I got to socialize,meet people and have a laugh and banter I miss everyone so much.We had such good times ,I was so happy.

Over the COVID years to stay happy I keep my sad feelings bottled up that includes missing art group and missing my special friend who texts me alot …but we need to start meeting in person again😭💔.I try to stay positive and happy as that is how I’d rather be ad life’s too short.

But every now and again I need to cry and think about these things and last night I did that,I have always found making friends hard and also my love life has always been at 0 ,Nearing 40 it gets to me worse than ever I’ve missed out on so.

In this modern era with WOKE people it’s so much harder to make friends as people get offended by everything ,you’re constantly walking on egg shells because you can’t say anything.

I’m from old school as you have seen in my blogs , I believe freedom of speech , expressing and discussing options in an adult mature way Woke people don’t do this if they don’t like your opinion they call you names get nasty and mean…very childish.

I’m on the search for a new social group in case my much loved art group does not start up again, it’s a hard search ….but important as I need a decent social life and to enjoy life and have good times because we only get one chance at life.

much

Being Single forever effects you in older life

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I’am turning 39 this September then after that it’s the big four O , and alot of sadness that I’ve had all my life has got worse.

It Effects badly ,I have been single all my life Not by choice, I have not experienced a relationship love or romance or sex ,It effects me really badly… especially now as I see my 30s and 20s disappear into a historic fog.

I try not to think about it but it’s there and fills my eyes with tears, my whole life I’ve always wanted a relationship with Mr right and a good sex life .not experienceing it really depresses me , people don’t no how lucky they are to have had that , but people like me who haven’t just want to be a loyal faithful loving partner to love and enjoy life with.

There is someone who has feelings for me and had done for 6 years , but he won’t admit it ,this makes me feel worse …I mean why won’t he just say ,it’s so obvious, he gets nervous around me and shows all the signs ,yet he won’t admit he loves me.

It’s driving me crazy coz we could of spent our 30s together happy and now we can’t coz our 30s are going….I wish more then anything he would say it he would feel better and at ease for it and I will feel better to.

I wish I could have my late teens 30s and 30s with him , and not miss out on love romance sex and lust , I’am not looking forward to being a 40 year old virgin ,it’s so depressing,sad thing is I can’t get the years back ,no one has ever given me a chance ,I’ve been rejected throughout the years.

My sex drive is still high but there is sod all I can do about it ,my body wants a real man not some toy . Being single forever and reaching your later years is so awful and it effects you emotionally. It effects your life and thinking what you wanted but could never have no matter how hard you tried.Its very sad and awful …I often wonder if my lack of love life was cursed ,being single forever is awful and there’s nothing I can do because I’ve tried it’s sad when your unwanted and have no partner to share your life with it’s also very scary …I never wanted this .

Lost Soul wondering aimlessly

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I was told by the spirits he was the one , in 2016 they kept telling me he is your soulmate.

I tried to ignore them because I didn’t want to get hurt or rejected.But I felt A special chemistry bound with him , he the only who has ever looked at me in a special way and shown interest.

Yet he rejects me 💔💔 I’m so confused ,I remember all the little things the signs, the time he saw me with a new hair cut his jaw dropped and he stuttered , Flower emojis he sent …he even sent flirty texts.

He held my hand in a special way when we had a deep talk together ,he removed my bag strap when it got stuck on a chair. He kept the paintings I made him ,he checked out my bum at the pub 😄.

But yet with out chemistry and me finding myself when I found him , my empty soul feeling warm and complete….he rejects me???

In 2016 I did my very very best to ignore the spirits as I didn’t want rejection and heart brake but they just wouldn’t have it….think one is my grandad and the other Rick Parfitt (spirit bit later not 2016 .2019 -now…..repenting I think ?

I have so much special little memory’s of him that matter so much he is the love of my life ,I try looking at other men but they are not him…he is so important I’ll never meet another perfect guy like him he is my soulmate ,If I can’t be with him I will love him still but I will die a virgin lonely with a dog coz he is the one.

I love our banter ,I miss our banter ,I love him calling me nicknames like misses and joking and flirting with me ,I love his hugs his personality his charm good looks ….love hurts ..

Iam now a soul wondering aimlessly confused and lost ,I will never love again no one can be him…from now on only lust and pureity….with me most likely pureity no one wants me 📿🙏 I will never get over him just always love him even when iam a old lonely lady with my faithful dog…that’s how I see my future …when my parents sadly pass in years ….I will have just me and a dog …..😭😭💔 .

You wonder about rejection , My life has been rejection it effects you emotionally , rejection is what I’ve had my whole life asking people out trying to make friends ect.All the time I end up lonely and feel scared of groups incase I’m judged…it’s not easy you also have no support just family support…..but when your family goes…. there is just you……this is one reason I wanted me right out of many….now what???2😭💔

I’m a lonely soul wondering aimlessly confused ……….

Why social distence can’t last forever.

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Put it this way , if social distence goes on any more years we will all go insane and be sex starved Hungary horny mad people.

We are only humans we need to hold hands , hug friends and family comfort the people we love.

We need sex and foreplay ,social distence can go on for years and years it will drive us mad.

Not being physical or being able to playfully flirt with the person your in love with is like being put in a cage.

Things we need back:

Holding hands

Hugs and kisses

Cuddles

Sex

Oral sex

Snogging

that’s why social distenceing can’t last forever , I need all of that ,you need all of that We need all of that , hopefully face masks will go and distenceing will go and life will return to normal.

High Street After Covid 19

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Today I went to my local town Sale Manchester ,for my eye test.

To my disappointment PoundLand had closed one of my favourite places to shop in Sale.

Also looking around I noticed Empty Shops that had completely shut down to never open again.

Covid has distroyed the British High Street and it’s very upsetting.

Us British we like our poundshops our bargain shops .

The high street is now a ghost Town that needs to be rebuilt as it is a important part of people’s life’s .

Also the British culture our high streets are where life happens , people socialise.

I ask for my Poundland back and for our highstreet to be brought back to life , lets hope after covid that they do not stay as ghost towns, we need our high streets.

Richie Sambora Saved my life

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During College in the 00s when I was aged 16-23 ( through college years , I had trouble fitting in .
But my happyness was 80s classic Rock .
I was a total Rock chick back then I loved Richie Sambora and on Jovi and Alice Cooper.
Last Night I was watching NOW 80S they were having a rock night .
I felt nostalgic as they showed the band’s I liked , it brought back the happyness I felt when listing to these bands in my younger years .
I’am now 37 back then I was a huge fan of Richie Sambora .
I think even had him on my msn messager ( I hope it was him) I think it was as when he spoke about music he was very passionate about it. Richie is that .
I think it helped having my favourite guitarist musician wanting to talk to me , also mad me happy.
Never Underestimate Richie Sambora he is a very talented musician .
Stranger in This Town is one of my most favourite albums , It is  so blues and rock and dark to , brilliant amazing album and great lyrics.
I often fantasied about being a groupie around these handsome long haired talented rockers during the 80s .That would of been cool …but I was born in 1983.
Through the sadness of finding it hard to make friends during college .
This light of happyness that is classic rock helped me.
Thank you Richie Sambora you saved me ♥️♥️♥️♥️
Thank you Bon Jovi you helped me ♥️♥️