Category: friends

Loners who did not choose it

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Last night I had one of my deep thinking moments ,as sometimes happens before I go to sleep.I was thinking about loners .

There are two types I know of Negative and positive , negative ones usually  become worse than the ones who bullied them and sometimes become murders.

Positive ones don’t take it out on people ,they stay on the side of love no matter what,but none of us chose this path.I find myself thinking at night WHY??

I have tried socialising always ok as a child and early teens I was shy and it was more difficult,but as I got older I got more confidence ,spoke out more and braved it all,I even stood up to be bullies.

A couple of bullies I asked why don’t you like me.?

They answered. “because you’re a loser” “Because you don’t go on a break “( because they never say with me!!)

Some side” just because?”

It’s hard finding a social group at the moment but there seems to be lots of them in Thornton cleveleys If summers are noisy this year my parents and I may retire there.

I also know I’m not the only one I know there are others like me with the same issues ,thinking at night why?we try to be nice friendly and good manners so it’s not us it’s them.

I’m 41 now and still no solid group of friends I have one friend who texts I’ve known him for almost 10 years now.

I’m not shy anymore I’m confident and speak my mind but also look out for people and stay caring and thoughts.

Despite all the nasty bad people I will always follow my heart and be carrying and loving and always be me.

I will not let it turn me into a nasty evil bully that’s the weak way of dealing with it.

As for the WHy? I cannot answer that one yet still figuring it out ,maybe god’s saving us for something , honestly I don’t know. But if you’re a loner who has not chosen to be don’t turn to the dark side stay strong loving and caring ,love is stronger than hate.

Rejection affects you all your life

JoBarker3 Comments

I have been rejected and judged by people since I was a kid.

I remember sitting on a cold step in playing ground crying and alone ,not noticing the bell to come in and still sitting there in silence…..this is rejection.

I’ve been single forever ,I have never had a relationship never had sex never had companionship ….sadly missed out on these wonderful things ….not by choice,by other people’s choices

I’m now 40 and the rejection is not just of men but lack of friends to and social life is still with my hurting It affects you your whole life .Emotionally it does not completely go as it is still happening.

I noticed since my late to mid 20s I lost all hope ,I don’t get hopeful because I just expect the worst ,Because sadly that is what happens ,I have no hope left in me ,sadly because I know I’ll be rejected and worst is always going to happen to me.

Then I ask myself ,am I ugly? What is wrong with me? Why does a man not want me? Why do people not want to be friends?

I try to be a good person I treat people as I’d like to be be treated my self ,I have good manners ,show people I care ….yet here I am 40 years old unmarried no social life apart from at church and in text messages???

Why ? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t people love me like I love them? I feel cursed like I’ve done something really really evil to suffer this the whole of my life .

At age 28 I said to myself I condemn myself to my fate I will most likely die old and alone and have a poorpas grave …if I’m really lucky I’ll have a faithful dog by my side.

But that is where I see my future ,this is also why dogs are important to my life they love you they are there they bring you happiness when no one else will.

Things I’ve lost: HOPE ,LUCK ,HAPPYNESS

Things I have to give : Love , Loyalty,faith,compaction,friendship

I have a lot of love in my heart I try to tell family and anyone I care about I love them because I will regret it if I don’t and if something bad happens it’s important to tell people you love them as it brings happiness.

Not being told your loved or cared for you get tears rejection pain and cry on your pillow endless nights ….I’m 40 and still do that I’ve been doing that since I can remember.

I can only dream of what it’s like to be loved by a man and that is most likely all it ever will be …just a dream that will never happen….it’s painful knowing this future and not experiencing having love from someone ….it would probably make me the happiest woman on earth if it did happen..

But until then sadness will always dwell with me.

Need Art Group back In my life 😭

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Since stupid COVID my art group closed ,and with that my social life and life as I knew it went back to how it was before art group.

At Art group every Tuesday it was the highlight of my week I got to socialize,meet people and have a laugh and banter I miss everyone so much.We had such good times ,I was so happy.

Over the COVID years to stay happy I keep my sad feelings bottled up that includes missing art group and missing my special friend who texts me alot …but we need to start meeting in person again😭💔.I try to stay positive and happy as that is how I’d rather be ad life’s too short.

But every now and again I need to cry and think about these things and last night I did that,I have always found making friends hard and also my love life has always been at 0 ,Nearing 40 it gets to me worse than ever I’ve missed out on so.

In this modern era with WOKE people it’s so much harder to make friends as people get offended by everything ,you’re constantly walking on egg shells because you can’t say anything.

I’m from old school as you have seen in my blogs , I believe freedom of speech , expressing and discussing options in an adult mature way Woke people don’t do this if they don’t like your opinion they call you names get nasty and mean…very childish.

I’m on the search for a new social group in case my much loved art group does not start up again, it’s a hard search ….but important as I need a decent social life and to enjoy life and have good times because we only get one chance at life.

much

Why social distence can’t last forever.

JoBarkerLeave a comment

Put it this way , if social distence goes on any more years we will all go insane and be sex starved Hungary horny mad people.

We are only humans we need to hold hands , hug friends and family comfort the people we love.

We need sex and foreplay ,social distence can go on for years and years it will drive us mad.

Not being physical or being able to playfully flirt with the person your in love with is like being put in a cage.

Things we need back:

Holding hands

Hugs and kisses

Cuddles

Sex

Oral sex

Snogging

that’s why social distenceing can’t last forever , I need all of that ,you need all of that We need all of that , hopefully face masks will go and distenceing will go and life will return to normal.

Coved19 March 2020

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Week 1 &2

Week 1 : My art group where I socialise do Art and meet with my best friend in canteen, was cancelled.

This made me feel very sad intact I burst into tears , my fear is never seeing my friends or art group again.

Tuesdays Art group gave me happyness and my friend he gives me lots of happyness if I lost him I’d die.

Week 2 Mum & I always go to Hampshire in March to visit family ,also have a few days out.

1st change we saw was the service station at Warwick was almost empty.

On a Normal day the service station would be full.

Supermarkets have been mad to much ques and people panic buying, There is no need for this .

If you just did your normal shopping and didn’t panic , we would still have lots of stuff and not have run out .

Victoria Park Hampshire was so busy , becouse we are all aloud to go for healthy walks in parks , I loved seeing all the happy doggies having walks as I love dogs.

My only fears at the moment are

  1. My Dad who has underlying health issues getting coved19
  2. Not seeing Chris again
  3. Not seeing friends in art group again
  4. Normality and being able to live a normal life going for cafe shopping days out ect ect .
  5. That’s all that’s worrying me .
  6. I urge you all to think of others and don’t panic buy and KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON!!!!!

YOUR NEVER ALONE WHEN YOU DIE .

JoBarker1 Comment

I want to comfort people who have lost family and friends to Covid 19.

Many people have died but come back , and have told us of what happens when you die.

Please do not worry , your loved ones were and are never alone (it’s up to you if you believe or not).

But spirits of relatives and Friends who may have died in the past ….or some cases pets watch over us.

When it is our time someone we knew in our life joins us and takes us to the next world .

When your soul leaves your physical body the pain is gone , becouse the pain was in your body not your spirit or soul.

My Mum’s best friend who sadly passed away of Cancer way before Covid 19 , became free of her pain and she got her hair back , I hear her voice sometimes,I hear spirits angels they guide and protect.

No one is ever completely alone ,you have spirits and angel as company who are there for you , once you die you are happy in the next life and your pain is gone, you can stay in heaven or come back to earth as a ghost and wait for your soulmate to join you and watch over your loved ones.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE , THEY ARE NOT ALONE , NOBODY IS ALONE.

Coved19 week 6 First week of April.

JoBarkerLeave a comment

First this week Nan called to say Step Grandad was put into hospital .

Clocks went forward so I’ve been waking up at 10am not 9Am ,Still not used to the times as yet.

Friday Step Grandad died in Hospital from Cover 19 after only 3 days.

I was told today by my parents this morning.

2020 is turning out to be a very slow depressing year , that’s taking members of everyone’s family’s away.

It reminds me of a apocalypse so far more people are dieing each day and it has don’t disappeared as yet.

This means we can’t go back to normal life yet,the love of my life says he will hug me when and If we next meet , so I’ll look forward to being held in his strong arms.

Nothing much else has happened being stuck at home only so much can happen.

Coved19 Quratine week5 …I think

JoBarkerLeave a comment

It will be April in one day , So far I’ve been entraining myself with erotic novels.

Makes me want sex even more , but only with the man I love. Sadly I’ve never experienced sex or a relationship as yet and I’m almost 40.

Its so depressing I want a orgasam I want to be pleased and dirty and I want please a man .

Let’s not go to my none existent frustrating love life …and the chase of the man I’m in love with ugh.

Apart from that I’ve been doing my art , going in garden for fresh air and using my exercise bike.

There’s only so much you can do right now.

I’ve never experienced anything like this , the world completely shut down , how long will we stay sane who knows.

The clocks went forward Saturday …..but I got it wrong thought it was Sunday. So woke up late on Sunday and today still jetlagged.

Trying to get used to longer days and clocks forward , not there yet as it was nearly 10am when I woke up.

Erm think that’s it.

Crappy Valentine’s Day

JoBarkerLeave a comment

I’am the most Unluckyist person in the whole world. First my love life in a nut shell,

Teens: Single , rejected

20s: Single ,Rejected

30s Still single , Still a virgin at 36 ….but with a difference , I finally met my Soulmate in 2015 .

I’ve known for years he likes me it’s so flipping obvious signs of why,

1. He blushes

2. He looks and smiles at me

3.looks away ( he is shy)

4.awkward silences

5.copies my moves

6.looks at me

7.struggles when talking to me

8.shows off acts funny

9.treats me different from the other women.

That’s some If I put them all we will be here forever.

He has been in love with me 4 years but won’t admit it, which is awful , becouse this is such a nice special feeling .

I appreciate it becouse No one has ever loved me befour it’s means alot, I cannot understand why he hides ( TRIES TO HIDE BUT FAILS AS I KNOW) his feelings and does not want me to know.

It’s very frustrating and confusing .He is a sensative ,careing warm guy brown eyes which have a sparkle to them , his eyes show he loves me and he is me soulmate.

Any How I’am currently 36 years old a virgin. Never been woed romanced , never had passion , only sex I’ve seen is on HBOs on TV and Internet ….and sex books.

It gets wrose as you get older February the 14th depresses you ,I would love and be so proud to call him my boyfriend I love him so much , day he finally says he loves me will be the happyest day of my life , but for now and for last 4 years of knowing him I have suffered.

So to all men if you are hidding your feelings and not telling a woman your in love with her.

TELL HER , TELL HER JUST TELL HER .If you don’t tell her it will just eat you up inside and won’t help your life or hers .

Being in love makes you feel young and happy embrace it , feelings emotions are great wonderful things life’s to short , if you are in love say it ….yes it’s a risk but it is a risk wroth taking just do it!!!!

Life Tuff decisions

JoBarkerLeave a comment

My parents keep talking about moving to Wales.

I do like Wales it’s peaceful , fresh and beautiful … complete opasit to Manchester…Also I love my parents very much and I’m close to them.

Also in 2015 I joined a art group and for first time in years I have friends and some sort of social life.

Which I haven’t had in many years. I fell in love with one Friend ,at first I didn’t …my grandad ghost guided me to him with flashing images and telling me he is his soulmate .

I tried to ignore it at first coz I’ve been single all my life and Unlucky in love. But I gave in , in the end , He makes me so happy , without him in my life I think I’d be really upset and down .

Happiest Ive been In Years is thank to art group friends and him, he makes me so happy, everytime I see him and Get a text from him I’m happy.

I don’t want to leave that, it’s so hard to make friends these days.

Without him I think I’d be really really sad , I’d also miss funny banter of art.

Ugh I don’t want to talk of Wales as a home to upsetting , to much to lose in Manchester 😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔 , right now my soul wants me to stay in Manchester as that is where my soulmate is and happyniess is, think I’ll have to chain my self to house so I can stay here.😭