Category: not excepted

As a teen in late 90s

JoBarkerLeave a comment

Due to my autism and the fact I got bullied no matter what school I was put in

I went to Ewing School Didsbury Manchester I was there 1996 -1999 I think.

The whole time I was at this school I saw a psychiatrist and felt upset.

1st story I’m telling you was one I recently told my friend ,School trip to Brittany France when I was age 13 or 14.It was more like a nightmare I shared a cabin in the ferry ⛴️ with two female teachers .

Before going to sleep I remember seeing the teachers ice cold eyes staring at me so I closed my eyes .

When we reached where we were staying it was an old rundown farmhouse in the middle of the countryside, with no street lights.

There were no carpets in one game room which teachers said only boys could use ….I think there was a living room but teachers said that was just for them…so we only had a garden and a table by a window.we also was not allowed in the kitchen.

We were not fed much . sandwich on french baguette and not much drink ..I ended up buying a large bag of crossettes and four large bottles of water to keep me going.

I remember the beach they took us to was a nudest beach ….think we were the only ones with clothes on ..

At my age it was shocking!!

At the end of the trip we were stuck at the ferry port due to French farmers protesting,so we had to sleep in a cold school gym on gym Matt’s and then catch the ferry the next day.

Later in my years at the school the headmistress Mrs Darbyshire really had it in for me ..

She had a go at me for small normal teenage things …and eventually she made sure the other teachers treated me badly too .

I was extremely depressed due to all of this ,my teens were destroyed by that school and it was that bad .

By the 1st year of college year 2000 still recovering from the school I ended up having anorexia for around a year.

And a further two break downs most recent was at age 23-24.

I feel I can write this blog about it now as I’am now 42 and it’s so far in the past that it cannot hurt me anymore ….I’m finally free of it…

Bible words help me to because I know I’ve suffered Alot but in a way it’s a post that if you suffer in your life you’re welcome to heaven because it’s almost like the suffering Jesus went through.

Glad I don’t have too many friends

JoBarkerLeave a comment

Reason why is because ,well starting with social media ,people using 😄 laughing emoji on comments and putting nasty horrible remarks.

It’s so immature and I don’t want to be friends with people who laugh at others like that ….they are not school kids they are full grown adults yet act like 10 year olds!!

I’ve not got time for nasty immature bullies  I don’t see the point of being nasty to strangers. Why do they do it I’m glad I don’t have many friends I’m happy with the one I’ve got and I trust him 100 %  of the nicest people I know.

I think most of my friends will be dogs I love dogs loyal faithful caring and judgmental I wish I could own a cavalier  king Charles spaniel again always happy  ,lovely dogs ,my favourite breed.

I can’t understand why adults want to be like 10 year olds bullying others and being nasty …..it’s so pointless. These days you get laughed at for options that people disagree with….rather than just disagreeing with you they would rather get nasty and bully you, I also get laughed for being against illegal drugs ,cannabis ,loud music …..but they laughed because they are clearly immature and don’t know right from wrong.

Socially for all humans social life has changed ,you see people with their heads in their phones out…and not paying attention to the world around them….before tech people would chat in streets over fence …basically everything with Alot more social in the olden days.

I use my phone certain times of the day ,for games ,shopping ect,or if TV is rubbish ,the rest of time is spent with my dog ,my art ,my dumbbells and miniverse….I have Alot of hobbies to keep me busy 😄reading….photography……and on and on.

If I ever meet new people who become friends and who I eventually trust it will be a bonus…it’s very hard to make friends these days….I only give my trust to people I’ve known for a long time and I feel 100 percent that they are loyal faithful trustworthy people🕊️♥️ it’s also saver that way.

Rejection affects you all your life

JoBarker3 Comments

I have been rejected and judged by people since I was a kid.

I remember sitting on a cold step in playing ground crying and alone ,not noticing the bell to come in and still sitting there in silence…..this is rejection.

I’ve been single forever ,I have never had a relationship never had sex never had companionship ….sadly missed out on these wonderful things ….not by choice,by other people’s choices

I’m now 40 and the rejection is not just of men but lack of friends to and social life is still with my hurting It affects you your whole life .Emotionally it does not completely go as it is still happening.

I noticed since my late to mid 20s I lost all hope ,I don’t get hopeful because I just expect the worst ,Because sadly that is what happens ,I have no hope left in me ,sadly because I know I’ll be rejected and worst is always going to happen to me.

Then I ask myself ,am I ugly? What is wrong with me? Why does a man not want me? Why do people not want to be friends?

I try to be a good person I treat people as I’d like to be be treated my self ,I have good manners ,show people I care ….yet here I am 40 years old unmarried no social life apart from at church and in text messages???

Why ? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t people love me like I love them? I feel cursed like I’ve done something really really evil to suffer this the whole of my life .

At age 28 I said to myself I condemn myself to my fate I will most likely die old and alone and have a poorpas grave …if I’m really lucky I’ll have a faithful dog by my side.

But that is where I see my future ,this is also why dogs are important to my life they love you they are there they bring you happiness when no one else will.

Things I’ve lost: HOPE ,LUCK ,HAPPYNESS

Things I have to give : Love , Loyalty,faith,compaction,friendship

I have a lot of love in my heart I try to tell family and anyone I care about I love them because I will regret it if I don’t and if something bad happens it’s important to tell people you love them as it brings happiness.

Not being told your loved or cared for you get tears rejection pain and cry on your pillow endless nights ….I’m 40 and still do that I’ve been doing that since I can remember.

I can only dream of what it’s like to be loved by a man and that is most likely all it ever will be …just a dream that will never happen….it’s painful knowing this future and not experiencing having love from someone ….it would probably make me the happiest woman on earth if it did happen..

But until then sadness will always dwell with me.

Why Do people feel the need to be Nasty to total strangers.??

JoBarkerLeave a comment

For many many years online on chatrooms , news posts Facebook and Twitter ,we have all tried to express our options on things .

Sadly bullys don’t like other people’s options and start being nasty. It’s awful I can’t understand why total strangers feel the need to be Nasty to someone. Just because they don’t have the same option.

They pick on spelling mistakes ( don’t worry no one’s a perfect speller Iam dreadful).They pick on your looks ,you could be stunning , but because they don’t except your option they say your ugly….childish I know!!

Evil bullys online who are nasty just because you don’t share their options are not worth it. I just block and report them , Don’t even reply to their comments because that’s what they want.

I’m 37 I’ve been bullied pretty much my whole life ,but I have now reached that stage of my life where I think…Yawn same typical bully comments how boring are THEY..yawn got better things going on in my life then worrying what these twits say.

It’s True they ALL use the same insults bullys are boring and predictable and not worth getting upset about , any nice carding person is better then a evil nasty person.

If any of my readers do have these issues on Facebook ,Twitter ect , just block them Don’t even reply to them also report them ,it’s the best thing to do they are not worth it.

Why are People nasty to complete strangers…..Sadly I cannot answer that ,but we are all allowed to express our options on news ect ,we don’t need some idiot making nasty comment because they disagree ,Real Adults would just try and agree to disagree and not be childish.