Category: faith

Sometimes I just want to live on a Island

JoBarkerLeave a comment

How the UK is now being destroyed by illegal immigrants and messing up our culture ,our religion and beliefs.

It is depressing and on social media seeing big companies  brands ect saying Eid Mubarak just hurts so much.

We are a Christian country and some stupid people stand up for Muslims/Islam clearly they’ve forgotten 9/11,…7/7…Lee Rigby ,3 Southport girls ,London bridge ,Spanish train bomb ,France ,Amsterdam all caused by Muslim terrorist…they are evil and not peaceful they kill Christians gays they kill none believers they treat women like dirt…..change your minds now!!!!

It’s getting so bad that sometimes I wish I could be away from it all on a peaceful island ,just far away from politics ,woke ,immigrants and the mess the UK is in ,it is very depressing….sadly I have suffered from depression most of my life .

So this does not help seeing the country go like this hurts me sickened me and brakes my heart I feel like screaming and crying sometimes ,just want it  be made better or for me to move away far away away from it all.

You won’t find his body he came back from the dead

JoBarkerLeave a comment

I’ve noticed on some documentaries archeologists  try to find the body of Jesus .

They are either being skeptical or atheist.

Because everyone who has read the Bible and said The Creed knows Jesus rouse from the dead saved people from hell, rouse to heaven as is seated at the right hand of god his father.

There is no body to find because his body and him came back from the dead , remember Jesus is half human half god he is god’s son.

He came to earth by the holy spirit to spread the word and to bring peace love and hope ,he started the Catholic church .

I can’t understand why archeologists are so obsessed with trying to find something they will never ever find.

You will only see Jesus in heaven,unless he decides to appear like his mother Mary ,to give an important message ,we don’t know if he will or not .

So please don’t bother searching for bones of Jesus he came alive again he is not buried in any tombs he is not bones.

Currently ill

JoBarkerLeave a comment

I am currently ill with

vasculitis and Deviated septum ,the Deviated septum I’ve had a while just it has got worse I can hardly breath on the right side of my nose.

On the left side of my nose I have had a nose bleed since September which is part of the vasculitis.

Narrow blood vessels have been infected and caused me to have blisters which looks like from the plague ughhhh and a rash that won’t go away.

My rash has nearly disappeared 4 times each time coming back worse,the blisters are so unbearable and sensitive

I’ve sometimes been crying because it affects you mentally as well as physically because you can’t exercise or do much walking ,hot showers are off because they all set the rash off.

I can’t shave my legs because if I catch the razor on the blisters I’d be with a bacterial infection which is worse ,I feel quite down it’s all upsetting I miss my normal life I miss my weights and being able to do things.

Hope it gets better soon if anyone else has suffered from this please comment below with outcomes and happy positive ones hopefully.

Rejection affects you all your life

JoBarker3 Comments

I have been rejected and judged by people since I was a kid.

I remember sitting on a cold step in playing ground crying and alone ,not noticing the bell to come in and still sitting there in silence…..this is rejection.

I’ve been single forever ,I have never had a relationship never had sex never had companionship ….sadly missed out on these wonderful things ….not by choice,by other people’s choices

I’m now 40 and the rejection is not just of men but lack of friends to and social life is still with my hurting It affects you your whole life .Emotionally it does not completely go as it is still happening.

I noticed since my late to mid 20s I lost all hope ,I don’t get hopeful because I just expect the worst ,Because sadly that is what happens ,I have no hope left in me ,sadly because I know I’ll be rejected and worst is always going to happen to me.

Then I ask myself ,am I ugly? What is wrong with me? Why does a man not want me? Why do people not want to be friends?

I try to be a good person I treat people as I’d like to be be treated my self ,I have good manners ,show people I care ….yet here I am 40 years old unmarried no social life apart from at church and in text messages???

Why ? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t people love me like I love them? I feel cursed like I’ve done something really really evil to suffer this the whole of my life .

At age 28 I said to myself I condemn myself to my fate I will most likely die old and alone and have a poorpas grave …if I’m really lucky I’ll have a faithful dog by my side.

But that is where I see my future ,this is also why dogs are important to my life they love you they are there they bring you happiness when no one else will.

Things I’ve lost: HOPE ,LUCK ,HAPPYNESS

Things I have to give : Love , Loyalty,faith,compaction,friendship

I have a lot of love in my heart I try to tell family and anyone I care about I love them because I will regret it if I don’t and if something bad happens it’s important to tell people you love them as it brings happiness.

Not being told your loved or cared for you get tears rejection pain and cry on your pillow endless nights ….I’m 40 and still do that I’ve been doing that since I can remember.

I can only dream of what it’s like to be loved by a man and that is most likely all it ever will be …just a dream that will never happen….it’s painful knowing this future and not experiencing having love from someone ….it would probably make me the happiest woman on earth if it did happen..

But until then sadness will always dwell with me.

We can’t all have kids

JoBarkerLeave a comment

As a catholic you would think I would agree with the pope on things.

Not everything he thinks we should all have children and not pet dogs,this does not work for me and other people.

For Example In the past I have suffered stress , depression,panic attacks and anxiety ,if I had kids I would not be able to cope I would end up in hospital with a huge break down so due to stress.

A DOG is much better for me ,I feel relaxed and loved by dogs and they matter alot to me ,they help with my Asperger’s and help me not feel alone and I can talk and be comforted by a dog life without one would be depressing.

Not all women can have kids ,they can’t afford mental health issues ,health issues ,life issues also some people would be bad abusive parents and just shouldn’t have kids.

So no we cannot all go round having kids there are personal issues and loads of other issues .

Sometimes having a pet is better for people and their health ,plus you have a choice it’s your life it’s your body it is up to you ,don’t have people tell you that you HAVE to.

Having children is a lot of effort and hard work and costly not everyone can cope with that ,I’m one that can’t ….I get anxious when kids are noisy and running around I get like this when shops are very crowded I’m.no good with crowds .

And I happily bless dogs and pets if given the right to .

Catholic life helps me as a person

Featured JoBarkerLeave a comment

Since baptism and going to mass every Sunday I feel a better person for it.

I switch my mind off in mass don’t think at all ,I do mass and listen and pray, after mass I feel warm ,calm and at peace,I feel mass helps heal and guide you through difficulties in life.

After baptism we were physically visited by the holy Spirit which is a white Dove.

I feel Jesus and Mary are guided me and giving me self control ,I always had spending difficulty because of issues in life ,when you lack social life and boyfriend ,you need something to fill that space shopping did that for me.

Slowly I’m getting better with money ,I’m targeting to get my account over a thousand by June ,there’s no need to shop all the time ,odd occasion I like to treat myself ,but these days most my shopping is stuff I need so it’s really maturing. Jesus is giving me self control.

Life in the modern world can be difficult ,it’s hard not to get angry or annoyed especially in the UK with all our issues.

Religion helps if I can switch my mind of focus on the Lord ect I am then calm and at peace ,try not to let things get to me ,because anger leads to hate ,hate leads to suffering and the negatives of anger make you as a person feel worse and people around you feel worse.

Positives are always good it gives you motivation,but if someone says “no you can’t do that” or “you haven’t got a clue what you’re doing” it affects you and you feel like you don’t want to because of criticism . Positives motivate you .

In work if you have a very critical boss you work less ,but if you have a positive boss you work over 100%

Why I haven’t blogged much recently

JoBarkerLeave a comment

I have always believed in God ,Jesus ,Mary and all the unexplained mysteries of this world .I have always had faith and always prayed.

I recently joined a local catholic church and got Baptised in April I have since learnt more and things I did not know about my faith that I never knew before.

Now I go to Mass every Sunday with my Mum & Dad ,I feel more at peace now than ever I have no anger ,hate or jealousy in me at all , just lots of peace love and hope positive feelings and happiness ,I still have sadness and insecurities at times ,but I have feelings and emotions.

I’m still in love with the same man ,still believe he is my soulmate ,but sadly haven’t seen him in person for ages and that gets to me ,coz everyone else friendships are normal and see their friends regularly…still wonder at times about my social and love bad luck??