Category: romance

What it feels like to still be single near 40

JoBarkerLeave a comment

I am edging closer to 40 ,will be 40 in September ,I have official been single forever ,and not had sex ever!!

I have been rejected by all men ,even one who fell for me then rejected I have been rejected by my soulmate .

Inside it feels horrible ,leaves you thinking what’s wrong with you,? Why so much bad luck? What evil have I done to deserve so much rejection and pain? Am I ugly ?

I have done nothing wrong but be an honest caring loving person always been nice to people and given them love and made them feel good…in return they brake my heart leave me crying in bed this I’ve been doing now all my life…for once in my life I’d like happiness and love ,loyalty and friendship and passion ,never had that ever…why don’t you like me??

Single Women Don’t have to Have Kids!

JoBarkerLeave a comment

Recently on Twitter there has been some uproar about people saying “Single Women HAVE to have kids”.It’s rubbish no one has to do anything they don’t want to do.

As a single woman who does not want kids Id like to explain my reasons for not having or wanting kids…then we will get on to the nasty people on Twitter!

I’m 39 I have Asburgers ,I have a history of depression ,stress and anxiety.y9u cannot have kids with these I know for a fact I’d brake down in to a huge depression and probably end up I’ll in hospital.Also I have been single since I was born in 1983 .I don’t have much money to my name ,I can’t afford a house or anything expensive so I won’t be able to afford kids.Also If I did end up with a man he would have to be single with no kids from past relationships…..I really do not want any of that at all,I’d rather have a partner who has no kids no baggage no physco exs.just a nice clean slate.These reasons should make perfect sense to anyone with a brain!!

Now to the trolls and bullies ,I noticed some nasty people put comments that are totally sexist and so old fashioned cob webs were floating on them.There is no need for nasty comments you cannot bully women or force them into being with child …that would be classed as rape you stupied idiots!

Some men were saying women were put on earth to give birth….well not all of us you historically old old people from 1800s ,we have personal choice and reasons for not wanting kids ,plus no money and illness that make us unable to be good mum’s,and there are some bad parents out there …..DO NOT TELL ME there isn’t becous6 there is ….you seem to forget about that when making your sexist old comments!!

No human is perfect and some people who have kids who are on drugs ,have metal health and other issues not all but some have no idea how to treat there kids ,also there are abusive parents….so don’t make out having kids is happy ever after for everyone ….becouse it’s not …..some people really cannot cope with the stress.

It’s your choice ladies if you don’t want kids don’t have them don’t let these losers force you into things you don’t want to do!

Being Single forever effects you in older life

JoBarkerLeave a comment

I’am turning 39 this September then after that it’s the big four O , and alot of sadness that I’ve had all my life has got worse.

It Effects badly ,I have been single all my life Not by choice, I have not experienced a relationship love or romance or sex ,It effects me really badly… especially now as I see my 30s and 20s disappear into a historic fog.

I try not to think about it but it’s there and fills my eyes with tears, my whole life I’ve always wanted a relationship with Mr right and a good sex life .not experienceing it really depresses me , people don’t no how lucky they are to have had that , but people like me who haven’t just want to be a loyal faithful loving partner to love and enjoy life with.

There is someone who has feelings for me and had done for 6 years , but he won’t admit it ,this makes me feel worse …I mean why won’t he just say ,it’s so obvious, he gets nervous around me and shows all the signs ,yet he won’t admit he loves me.

It’s driving me crazy coz we could of spent our 30s together happy and now we can’t coz our 30s are going….I wish more then anything he would say it he would feel better and at ease for it and I will feel better to.

I wish I could have my late teens 30s and 30s with him , and not miss out on love romance sex and lust , I’am not looking forward to being a 40 year old virgin ,it’s so depressing,sad thing is I can’t get the years back ,no one has ever given me a chance ,I’ve been rejected throughout the years.

My sex drive is still high but there is sod all I can do about it ,my body wants a real man not some toy . Being single forever and reaching your later years is so awful and it effects you emotionally. It effects your life and thinking what you wanted but could never have no matter how hard you tried.Its very sad and awful …I often wonder if my lack of love life was cursed ,being single forever is awful and there’s nothing I can do because I’ve tried it’s sad when your unwanted and have no partner to share your life with it’s also very scary …I never wanted this .

Lost Soul wondering aimlessly

JoBarkerLeave a comment

I was told by the spirits he was the one , in 2016 they kept telling me he is your soulmate.

I tried to ignore them because I didn’t want to get hurt or rejected.But I felt A special chemistry bound with him , he the only who has ever looked at me in a special way and shown interest.

Yet he rejects me 💔💔 I’m so confused ,I remember all the little things the signs, the time he saw me with a new hair cut his jaw dropped and he stuttered , Flower emojis he sent …he even sent flirty texts.

He held my hand in a special way when we had a deep talk together ,he removed my bag strap when it got stuck on a chair. He kept the paintings I made him ,he checked out my bum at the pub 😄.

But yet with out chemistry and me finding myself when I found him , my empty soul feeling warm and complete….he rejects me???

In 2016 I did my very very best to ignore the spirits as I didn’t want rejection and heart brake but they just wouldn’t have it….think one is my grandad and the other Rick Parfitt (spirit bit later not 2016 .2019 -now…..repenting I think ?

I have so much special little memory’s of him that matter so much he is the love of my life ,I try looking at other men but they are not him…he is so important I’ll never meet another perfect guy like him he is my soulmate ,If I can’t be with him I will love him still but I will die a virgin lonely with a dog coz he is the one.

I love our banter ,I miss our banter ,I love him calling me nicknames like misses and joking and flirting with me ,I love his hugs his personality his charm good looks ….love hurts ..

Iam now a soul wondering aimlessly confused and lost ,I will never love again no one can be him…from now on only lust and pureity….with me most likely pureity no one wants me 📿🙏 I will never get over him just always love him even when iam a old lonely lady with my faithful dog…that’s how I see my future …when my parents sadly pass in years ….I will have just me and a dog …..😭😭💔 .

You wonder about rejection , My life has been rejection it effects you emotionally , rejection is what I’ve had my whole life asking people out trying to make friends ect.All the time I end up lonely and feel scared of groups incase I’m judged…it’s not easy you also have no support just family support…..but when your family goes…. there is just you……this is one reason I wanted me right out of many….now what???2😭💔

I’m a lonely soul wondering aimlessly confused ……….

Why social distence can’t last forever.

JoBarkerLeave a comment

Put it this way , if social distence goes on any more years we will all go insane and be sex starved Hungary horny mad people.

We are only humans we need to hold hands , hug friends and family comfort the people we love.

We need sex and foreplay ,social distence can go on for years and years it will drive us mad.

Not being physical or being able to playfully flirt with the person your in love with is like being put in a cage.

Things we need back:

Holding hands

Hugs and kisses

Cuddles

Sex

Oral sex

Snogging

that’s why social distenceing can’t last forever , I need all of that ,you need all of that We need all of that , hopefully face masks will go and distenceing will go and life will return to normal.

The Sex toys just Don’t do it for me

JoBarkerLeave a comment

Being a virgin for most of my life sadly , And 36 still no boyfriend ….got a nearly boyfriend he just needs to admit his feelings to me.

Anyhow Through out my life to get a feel of the sex I’ve never had I’ve been reading erotic book , had fantasy’s.

In my late teens early twenties I was a rock chick and had very erotic fantasy’s of Rock stars.

Richie sambora and John bon Jovi sometimes together

Paul Stanley Kiss and other member of kiss threesome or just Paul.

Rick Parfitt Francis Rossi threesome or Just Rick.

Then Had fantasys of James May from Top Gear to ,Snape from Harry Potter. Jack Sparrow and Jareth The Goblin King…phew.

I orgasamed in the fantasy s they were hot.

But my dildos all big 7inch ones seem to do nothing for me ( I use this size due to my very tight meow!!!

Thrust them fast and not one orgasam , don’t feel turned on by them.

I guess I’m only turned on by real men , especially the man I’m in love with I wish I could have him I need that closeness , love and hot sex.

Coved19 Quratine week5 …I think

JoBarkerLeave a comment

It will be April in one day , So far I’ve been entraining myself with erotic novels.

Makes me want sex even more , but only with the man I love. Sadly I’ve never experienced sex or a relationship as yet and I’m almost 40.

Its so depressing I want a orgasam I want to be pleased and dirty and I want please a man .

Let’s not go to my none existent frustrating love life …and the chase of the man I’m in love with ugh.

Apart from that I’ve been doing my art , going in garden for fresh air and using my exercise bike.

There’s only so much you can do right now.

I’ve never experienced anything like this , the world completely shut down , how long will we stay sane who knows.

The clocks went forward Saturday …..but I got it wrong thought it was Sunday. So woke up late on Sunday and today still jetlagged.

Trying to get used to longer days and clocks forward , not there yet as it was nearly 10am when I woke up.

Erm think that’s it.

Crappy Valentine’s Day

JoBarkerLeave a comment

I’am the most Unluckyist person in the whole world. First my love life in a nut shell,

Teens: Single , rejected

20s: Single ,Rejected

30s Still single , Still a virgin at 36 ….but with a difference , I finally met my Soulmate in 2015 .

I’ve known for years he likes me it’s so flipping obvious signs of why,

1. He blushes

2. He looks and smiles at me

3.looks away ( he is shy)

4.awkward silences

5.copies my moves

6.looks at me

7.struggles when talking to me

8.shows off acts funny

9.treats me different from the other women.

That’s some If I put them all we will be here forever.

He has been in love with me 4 years but won’t admit it, which is awful , becouse this is such a nice special feeling .

I appreciate it becouse No one has ever loved me befour it’s means alot, I cannot understand why he hides ( TRIES TO HIDE BUT FAILS AS I KNOW) his feelings and does not want me to know.

It’s very frustrating and confusing .He is a sensative ,careing warm guy brown eyes which have a sparkle to them , his eyes show he loves me and he is me soulmate.

Any How I’am currently 36 years old a virgin. Never been woed romanced , never had passion , only sex I’ve seen is on HBOs on TV and Internet ….and sex books.

It gets wrose as you get older February the 14th depresses you ,I would love and be so proud to call him my boyfriend I love him so much , day he finally says he loves me will be the happyest day of my life , but for now and for last 4 years of knowing him I have suffered.

So to all men if you are hidding your feelings and not telling a woman your in love with her.

TELL HER , TELL HER JUST TELL HER .If you don’t tell her it will just eat you up inside and won’t help your life or hers .

Being in love makes you feel young and happy embrace it , feelings emotions are great wonderful things life’s to short , if you are in love say it ….yes it’s a risk but it is a risk wroth taking just do it!!!!

Life Tuff decisions

JoBarkerLeave a comment

My parents keep talking about moving to Wales.

I do like Wales it’s peaceful , fresh and beautiful … complete opasit to Manchester…Also I love my parents very much and I’m close to them.

Also in 2015 I joined a art group and for first time in years I have friends and some sort of social life.

Which I haven’t had in many years. I fell in love with one Friend ,at first I didn’t …my grandad ghost guided me to him with flashing images and telling me he is his soulmate .

I tried to ignore it at first coz I’ve been single all my life and Unlucky in love. But I gave in , in the end , He makes me so happy , without him in my life I think I’d be really upset and down .

Happiest Ive been In Years is thank to art group friends and him, he makes me so happy, everytime I see him and Get a text from him I’m happy.

I don’t want to leave that, it’s so hard to make friends these days.

Without him I think I’d be really really sad , I’d also miss funny banter of art.

Ugh I don’t want to talk of Wales as a home to upsetting , to much to lose in Manchester 😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔 , right now my soul wants me to stay in Manchester as that is where my soulmate is and happyniess is, think I’ll have to chain my self to house so I can stay here.😭

Spiritual , religious and life after physical world

JoBarkerLeave a comment

I have been spiritual most of my life , first experience seeing my nan wave goodbye of staircase as a little girl ( that young was scared).

Teen experiences when I was depressed and stressed , I always felt like someone was in the room with me.

This was my guardian angel my beloved Grandad Barker , he protected me from myself , I was very depressed he kept me alive.

Over many years also have physic dreams , these see many things from places I may see in future ( which become dajavu ).Others are of people of events.

Also more recently since passing of mums best friend ( also spiritual), she gave message to me ( mental medium ) through my mind) saying goodbye and she was ok.

Soulmate part well I met him 2015 but again Grandad Barker helped me on this one he showed me flashing images and kept going on at me ” he is your soulmate,”.

I didn’t want to believe it coz I’ve been rejected by men all my life , 2016 while in Wales I just gave in , hopelessly I. Love …not with him yet …But my soul feel complete and I …can’t really explain the rest , it’s complex and spiritual .

I have a special connection with him, I see so much in his eyes ,We both get similar emotions together , our humour is similar .I love him so much I just hope we get together soon befour we get to old😭.

I believe in ghosts angel’s spirits, inside our physical body is our soul/spirit ,it is there and when your physical body dies this soul/spirit goes to another world of souls or stays as a ghost here to pass on messages , haunts ect.

All the above is connected .