Category: fustration

Loners who did not choose it

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Last night I had one of my deep thinking moments ,as sometimes happens before I go to sleep.I was thinking about loners .

There are two types I know of Negative and positive , negative ones usually  become worse than the ones who bullied them and sometimes become murders.

Positive ones don’t take it out on people ,they stay on the side of love no matter what,but none of us chose this path.I find myself thinking at night WHY??

I have tried socialising always ok as a child and early teens I was shy and it was more difficult,but as I got older I got more confidence ,spoke out more and braved it all,I even stood up to be bullies.

A couple of bullies I asked why don’t you like me.?

They answered. “because you’re a loser” “Because you don’t go on a break “( because they never say with me!!)

Some side” just because?”

It’s hard finding a social group at the moment but there seems to be lots of them in Thornton cleveleys If summers are noisy this year my parents and I may retire there.

I also know I’m not the only one I know there are others like me with the same issues ,thinking at night why?we try to be nice friendly and good manners so it’s not us it’s them.

I’m 41 now and still no solid group of friends I have one friend who texts I’ve known him for almost 10 years now.

I’m not shy anymore I’m confident and speak my mind but also look out for people and stay caring and thoughts.

Despite all the nasty bad people I will always follow my heart and be carrying and loving and always be me.

I will not let it turn me into a nasty evil bully that’s the weak way of dealing with it.

As for the WHy? I cannot answer that one yet still figuring it out ,maybe god’s saving us for something , honestly I don’t know. But if you’re a loner who has not chosen to be don’t turn to the dark side stay strong loving and caring ,love is stronger than hate.

Rejection affects you all your life

JoBarker3 Comments

I have been rejected and judged by people since I was a kid.

I remember sitting on a cold step in playing ground crying and alone ,not noticing the bell to come in and still sitting there in silence…..this is rejection.

I’ve been single forever ,I have never had a relationship never had sex never had companionship ….sadly missed out on these wonderful things ….not by choice,by other people’s choices

I’m now 40 and the rejection is not just of men but lack of friends to and social life is still with my hurting It affects you your whole life .Emotionally it does not completely go as it is still happening.

I noticed since my late to mid 20s I lost all hope ,I don’t get hopeful because I just expect the worst ,Because sadly that is what happens ,I have no hope left in me ,sadly because I know I’ll be rejected and worst is always going to happen to me.

Then I ask myself ,am I ugly? What is wrong with me? Why does a man not want me? Why do people not want to be friends?

I try to be a good person I treat people as I’d like to be be treated my self ,I have good manners ,show people I care ….yet here I am 40 years old unmarried no social life apart from at church and in text messages???

Why ? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t people love me like I love them? I feel cursed like I’ve done something really really evil to suffer this the whole of my life .

At age 28 I said to myself I condemn myself to my fate I will most likely die old and alone and have a poorpas grave …if I’m really lucky I’ll have a faithful dog by my side.

But that is where I see my future ,this is also why dogs are important to my life they love you they are there they bring you happiness when no one else will.

Things I’ve lost: HOPE ,LUCK ,HAPPYNESS

Things I have to give : Love , Loyalty,faith,compaction,friendship

I have a lot of love in my heart I try to tell family and anyone I care about I love them because I will regret it if I don’t and if something bad happens it’s important to tell people you love them as it brings happiness.

Not being told your loved or cared for you get tears rejection pain and cry on your pillow endless nights ….I’m 40 and still do that I’ve been doing that since I can remember.

I can only dream of what it’s like to be loved by a man and that is most likely all it ever will be …just a dream that will never happen….it’s painful knowing this future and not experiencing having love from someone ….it would probably make me the happiest woman on earth if it did happen..

But until then sadness will always dwell with me.

What it feels like to still be single near 40

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I am edging closer to 40 ,will be 40 in September ,I have official been single forever ,and not had sex ever!!

I have been rejected by all men ,even one who fell for me then rejected I have been rejected by my soulmate .

Inside it feels horrible ,leaves you thinking what’s wrong with you,? Why so much bad luck? What evil have I done to deserve so much rejection and pain? Am I ugly ?

I have done nothing wrong but be an honest caring loving person always been nice to people and given them love and made them feel good…in return they brake my heart leave me crying in bed this I’ve been doing now all my life…for once in my life I’d like happiness and love ,loyalty and friendship and passion ,never had that ever…why don’t you like me??

Stop cannabis now I’m fed up of it 😭😭😭

JoBarkerLeave a comment


Dear Sir

I’am a 38 year old who has Asburgers and allgy issues which cause breathing difficulty at times.
I’m asking begging please stop people smoking cannabis and selling in Manchester I live in the northern moor with my mum and dad and it’s driving us insane and effecting us.
Tonight I have had no sleep because a selfish neighbour is smoking cannabis the smell its awful . I’d like to breathe fresh air…not drugs through my window.please get police on Northern moor stopping the drug deals ,they are happing on motorcycle and in vans all the time ,stop people smoking this drug it effects my health and my parents ,we hate the smell and effect it has ,all we want is fresh air and sleep.
I feel it’s bad in Northern Moor most people in this area smoke it and deal it ,it’s so awful please please help get rid of it and it’s awful smell put a stop to this evil drug please,for us people who just want fresh air and peace please I’m asking you .
I don’t know what else to say other then help.

Need Art Group back In my life 😭

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Since stupid COVID my art group closed ,and with that my social life and life as I knew it went back to how it was before art group.

At Art group every Tuesday it was the highlight of my week I got to socialize,meet people and have a laugh and banter I miss everyone so much.We had such good times ,I was so happy.

Over the COVID years to stay happy I keep my sad feelings bottled up that includes missing art group and missing my special friend who texts me alot …but we need to start meeting in person again😭💔.I try to stay positive and happy as that is how I’d rather be ad life’s too short.

But every now and again I need to cry and think about these things and last night I did that,I have always found making friends hard and also my love life has always been at 0 ,Nearing 40 it gets to me worse than ever I’ve missed out on so.

In this modern era with WOKE people it’s so much harder to make friends as people get offended by everything ,you’re constantly walking on egg shells because you can’t say anything.

I’m from old school as you have seen in my blogs , I believe freedom of speech , expressing and discussing options in an adult mature way Woke people don’t do this if they don’t like your opinion they call you names get nasty and mean…very childish.

I’m on the search for a new social group in case my much loved art group does not start up again, it’s a hard search ….but important as I need a decent social life and to enjoy life and have good times because we only get one chance at life.

much

Being Single forever effects you in older life

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I’am turning 39 this September then after that it’s the big four O , and alot of sadness that I’ve had all my life has got worse.

It Effects badly ,I have been single all my life Not by choice, I have not experienced a relationship love or romance or sex ,It effects me really badly… especially now as I see my 30s and 20s disappear into a historic fog.

I try not to think about it but it’s there and fills my eyes with tears, my whole life I’ve always wanted a relationship with Mr right and a good sex life .not experienceing it really depresses me , people don’t no how lucky they are to have had that , but people like me who haven’t just want to be a loyal faithful loving partner to love and enjoy life with.

There is someone who has feelings for me and had done for 6 years , but he won’t admit it ,this makes me feel worse …I mean why won’t he just say ,it’s so obvious, he gets nervous around me and shows all the signs ,yet he won’t admit he loves me.

It’s driving me crazy coz we could of spent our 30s together happy and now we can’t coz our 30s are going….I wish more then anything he would say it he would feel better and at ease for it and I will feel better to.

I wish I could have my late teens 30s and 30s with him , and not miss out on love romance sex and lust , I’am not looking forward to being a 40 year old virgin ,it’s so depressing,sad thing is I can’t get the years back ,no one has ever given me a chance ,I’ve been rejected throughout the years.

My sex drive is still high but there is sod all I can do about it ,my body wants a real man not some toy . Being single forever and reaching your later years is so awful and it effects you emotionally. It effects your life and thinking what you wanted but could never have no matter how hard you tried.Its very sad and awful …I often wonder if my lack of love life was cursed ,being single forever is awful and there’s nothing I can do because I’ve tried it’s sad when your unwanted and have no partner to share your life with it’s also very scary …I never wanted this .

Covid 19 death tolls awful .

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Great Briton 22.123 death here now , it is so awful that so many people have died.

I think we should learn from other countries like New Zealand who haven’t had many deaths , they have fought off and protected there people really well.

I hope a vaccine/cure gets found soon becouse ,yes we all want normal life and freedom ….but right now lockdown keeps us safe from catching the virus and reduces it we need it to die out.

America can you please stop being so relaxed !!

You have the highest death toll almost 60 thousand people sadly lost there life’s.

Stay at home keep lockdown that’s how you stop it speeding and catching and get it to fizzle out.

Just stop being so relaxed , right now the whole world is in lockdown that includes you if you want people to live and the virus to die .

Stop being pig headed and lockdown .

The Sex toys just Don’t do it for me

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Being a virgin for most of my life sadly , And 36 still no boyfriend ….got a nearly boyfriend he just needs to admit his feelings to me.

Anyhow Through out my life to get a feel of the sex I’ve never had I’ve been reading erotic book , had fantasy’s.

In my late teens early twenties I was a rock chick and had very erotic fantasy’s of Rock stars.

Richie sambora and John bon Jovi sometimes together

Paul Stanley Kiss and other member of kiss threesome or just Paul.

Rick Parfitt Francis Rossi threesome or Just Rick.

Then Had fantasys of James May from Top Gear to ,Snape from Harry Potter. Jack Sparrow and Jareth The Goblin King…phew.

I orgasamed in the fantasy s they were hot.

But my dildos all big 7inch ones seem to do nothing for me ( I use this size due to my very tight meow!!!

Thrust them fast and not one orgasam , don’t feel turned on by them.

I guess I’m only turned on by real men , especially the man I’m in love with I wish I could have him I need that closeness , love and hot sex.

Coved19 week 6 First week of April.

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First this week Nan called to say Step Grandad was put into hospital .

Clocks went forward so I’ve been waking up at 10am not 9Am ,Still not used to the times as yet.

Friday Step Grandad died in Hospital from Cover 19 after only 3 days.

I was told today by my parents this morning.

2020 is turning out to be a very slow depressing year , that’s taking members of everyone’s family’s away.

It reminds me of a apocalypse so far more people are dieing each day and it has don’t disappeared as yet.

This means we can’t go back to normal life yet,the love of my life says he will hug me when and If we next meet , so I’ll look forward to being held in his strong arms.

Nothing much else has happened being stuck at home only so much can happen.

Coved19 Quratine week5 …I think

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It will be April in one day , So far I’ve been entraining myself with erotic novels.

Makes me want sex even more , but only with the man I love. Sadly I’ve never experienced sex or a relationship as yet and I’m almost 40.

Its so depressing I want a orgasam I want to be pleased and dirty and I want please a man .

Let’s not go to my none existent frustrating love life …and the chase of the man I’m in love with ugh.

Apart from that I’ve been doing my art , going in garden for fresh air and using my exercise bike.

There’s only so much you can do right now.

I’ve never experienced anything like this , the world completely shut down , how long will we stay sane who knows.

The clocks went forward Saturday …..but I got it wrong thought it was Sunday. So woke up late on Sunday and today still jetlagged.

Trying to get used to longer days and clocks forward , not there yet as it was nearly 10am when I woke up.

Erm think that’s it.