Category: struggle

Glad I don’t have too many friends

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Reason why is because ,well starting with social media ,people using 😄 laughing emoji on comments and putting nasty horrible remarks.

It’s so immature and I don’t want to be friends with people who laugh at others like that ….they are not school kids they are full grown adults yet act like 10 year olds!!

I’ve not got time for nasty immature bullies  I don’t see the point of being nasty to strangers. Why do they do it I’m glad I don’t have many friends I’m happy with the one I’ve got and I trust him 100 %  of the nicest people I know.

I think most of my friends will be dogs I love dogs loyal faithful caring and judgmental I wish I could own a cavalier  king Charles spaniel again always happy  ,lovely dogs ,my favourite breed.

I can’t understand why adults want to be like 10 year olds bullying others and being nasty …..it’s so pointless. These days you get laughed at for options that people disagree with….rather than just disagreeing with you they would rather get nasty and bully you, I also get laughed for being against illegal drugs ,cannabis ,loud music …..but they laughed because they are clearly immature and don’t know right from wrong.

Socially for all humans social life has changed ,you see people with their heads in their phones out…and not paying attention to the world around them….before tech people would chat in streets over fence …basically everything with Alot more social in the olden days.

I use my phone certain times of the day ,for games ,shopping ect,or if TV is rubbish ,the rest of time is spent with my dog ,my art ,my dumbbells and miniverse….I have Alot of hobbies to keep me busy 😄reading….photography……and on and on.

If I ever meet new people who become friends and who I eventually trust it will be a bonus…it’s very hard to make friends these days….I only give my trust to people I’ve known for a long time and I feel 100 percent that they are loyal faithful trustworthy people🕊️♥️ it’s also saver that way.

Some men still treat women badly.

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I don’t usually write blogs like this because I’m not a feminist.

But on joining a Facebook group where women ask advice from men ,about relationships I noticed something.

I was asking advice on a matter ,and some of the comments were very immature and judgemental and disrespectful towards women.

Men in the group claim some of the women are bitter due to past experiences but it seems some of the men are bitter to judging by their comments.

Some treating women as if they should be submissive and do as they are told,which is one thing you do not do to me 😆,I was bullied over the years and had control freak teachers .

So it tuffened me up I’m a strong woman ,stronger than I realise and stand up for myself and speak my mind ….I’m like a mini Xena 🤣

I know at times our past heartaches rejections can make us bitter or angry ,but don’t go down that road it is negative and no good. The best thing to do is to clear your head and soul of negative emotions and carry on as best you can.

And if you want respect ,respect the other person and it swings both ways ,you cannot expect to be respected yourself if you do not show respect to others.

I think when these people make nasty , disrespectful comments it comes from their own insecurities and bad experiences so they protect it on others ,which in return causes more negativity….this does not help….over come the negative feelings and emotions clear your mind ,seek help seek help for god if your led that way ….it helps.

Nothing good comes from negative emotions and feelings ,as a catholic I have learnt that positive good feelings and emotions are better for you and people around you.

Sometimes I just want to live on a Island

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How the UK is now being destroyed by illegal immigrants and messing up our culture ,our religion and beliefs.

It is depressing and on social media seeing big companies  brands ect saying Eid Mubarak just hurts so much.

We are a Christian country and some stupid people stand up for Muslims/Islam clearly they’ve forgotten 9/11,…7/7…Lee Rigby ,3 Southport girls ,London bridge ,Spanish train bomb ,France ,Amsterdam all caused by Muslim terrorist…they are evil and not peaceful they kill Christians gays they kill none believers they treat women like dirt…..change your minds now!!!!

It’s getting so bad that sometimes I wish I could be away from it all on a peaceful island ,just far away from politics ,woke ,immigrants and the mess the UK is in ,it is very depressing….sadly I have suffered from depression most of my life .

So this does not help seeing the country go like this hurts me sickened me and brakes my heart I feel like screaming and crying sometimes ,just want it  be made better or for me to move away far away away from it all.

Currently ill

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I am currently ill with

vasculitis and Deviated septum ,the Deviated septum I’ve had a while just it has got worse I can hardly breath on the right side of my nose.

On the left side of my nose I have had a nose bleed since September which is part of the vasculitis.

Narrow blood vessels have been infected and caused me to have blisters which looks like from the plague ughhhh and a rash that won’t go away.

My rash has nearly disappeared 4 times each time coming back worse,the blisters are so unbearable and sensitive

I’ve sometimes been crying because it affects you mentally as well as physically because you can’t exercise or do much walking ,hot showers are off because they all set the rash off.

I can’t shave my legs because if I catch the razor on the blisters I’d be with a bacterial infection which is worse ,I feel quite down it’s all upsetting I miss my normal life I miss my weights and being able to do things.

Hope it gets better soon if anyone else has suffered from this please comment below with outcomes and happy positive ones hopefully.

Rejection affects you all your life

JoBarker3 Comments

I have been rejected and judged by people since I was a kid.

I remember sitting on a cold step in playing ground crying and alone ,not noticing the bell to come in and still sitting there in silence…..this is rejection.

I’ve been single forever ,I have never had a relationship never had sex never had companionship ….sadly missed out on these wonderful things ….not by choice,by other people’s choices

I’m now 40 and the rejection is not just of men but lack of friends to and social life is still with my hurting It affects you your whole life .Emotionally it does not completely go as it is still happening.

I noticed since my late to mid 20s I lost all hope ,I don’t get hopeful because I just expect the worst ,Because sadly that is what happens ,I have no hope left in me ,sadly because I know I’ll be rejected and worst is always going to happen to me.

Then I ask myself ,am I ugly? What is wrong with me? Why does a man not want me? Why do people not want to be friends?

I try to be a good person I treat people as I’d like to be be treated my self ,I have good manners ,show people I care ….yet here I am 40 years old unmarried no social life apart from at church and in text messages???

Why ? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t people love me like I love them? I feel cursed like I’ve done something really really evil to suffer this the whole of my life .

At age 28 I said to myself I condemn myself to my fate I will most likely die old and alone and have a poorpas grave …if I’m really lucky I’ll have a faithful dog by my side.

But that is where I see my future ,this is also why dogs are important to my life they love you they are there they bring you happiness when no one else will.

Things I’ve lost: HOPE ,LUCK ,HAPPYNESS

Things I have to give : Love , Loyalty,faith,compaction,friendship

I have a lot of love in my heart I try to tell family and anyone I care about I love them because I will regret it if I don’t and if something bad happens it’s important to tell people you love them as it brings happiness.

Not being told your loved or cared for you get tears rejection pain and cry on your pillow endless nights ….I’m 40 and still do that I’ve been doing that since I can remember.

I can only dream of what it’s like to be loved by a man and that is most likely all it ever will be …just a dream that will never happen….it’s painful knowing this future and not experiencing having love from someone ….it would probably make me the happiest woman on earth if it did happen..

But until then sadness will always dwell with me.

Artist Struggle: Hard year for an Artist

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This year I have really struggled with my work ,in past 5 months I have thrown away unfinished artworks because I get that gut feeling , that’s it’s not looking right.

I really hate chucking my work , last year was a good year I did not throw any works away.

There are things that make us artist insecure , for starters the media always post artist who do realistic photographic type art that they’ve done with pencils paint ect …we can’t all get that effect…and not everyone likes that sort of art.

Each artist has there own styles and technic unique .I admit I have felt insecure this year why do people have high expectations of us ,we cannot all do realistic art that looks like photographs,I only do what I can do.What Iam capable of.

It’s been such a struggle I want my art works to turn out well and sell well one ,I tried selling them on eBay but people these days want something for nothing , they expect to pay 1 pound 2 pound for art that take hours and expensive supplies ….I can’t live off that !!!

If any Artist have simpler artist block and struggles that are in my blog , feel free to comment it will help so much .