Category: middleagedvirgin

Rejection affects you all your life

JoBarker3 Comments

I have been rejected and judged by people since I was a kid.

I remember sitting on a cold step in playing ground crying and alone ,not noticing the bell to come in and still sitting there in silence…..this is rejection.

I’ve been single forever ,I have never had a relationship never had sex never had companionship ….sadly missed out on these wonderful things ….not by choice,by other people’s choices

I’m now 40 and the rejection is not just of men but lack of friends to and social life is still with my hurting It affects you your whole life .Emotionally it does not completely go as it is still happening.

I noticed since my late to mid 20s I lost all hope ,I don’t get hopeful because I just expect the worst ,Because sadly that is what happens ,I have no hope left in me ,sadly because I know I’ll be rejected and worst is always going to happen to me.

Then I ask myself ,am I ugly? What is wrong with me? Why does a man not want me? Why do people not want to be friends?

I try to be a good person I treat people as I’d like to be be treated my self ,I have good manners ,show people I care ….yet here I am 40 years old unmarried no social life apart from at church and in text messages???

Why ? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t people love me like I love them? I feel cursed like I’ve done something really really evil to suffer this the whole of my life .

At age 28 I said to myself I condemn myself to my fate I will most likely die old and alone and have a poorpas grave …if I’m really lucky I’ll have a faithful dog by my side.

But that is where I see my future ,this is also why dogs are important to my life they love you they are there they bring you happiness when no one else will.

Things I’ve lost: HOPE ,LUCK ,HAPPYNESS

Things I have to give : Love , Loyalty,faith,compaction,friendship

I have a lot of love in my heart I try to tell family and anyone I care about I love them because I will regret it if I don’t and if something bad happens it’s important to tell people you love them as it brings happiness.

Not being told your loved or cared for you get tears rejection pain and cry on your pillow endless nights ….I’m 40 and still do that I’ve been doing that since I can remember.

I can only dream of what it’s like to be loved by a man and that is most likely all it ever will be …just a dream that will never happen….it’s painful knowing this future and not experiencing having love from someone ….it would probably make me the happiest woman on earth if it did happen..

But until then sadness will always dwell with me.

What it feels like to still be single near 40

JoBarkerLeave a comment

I am edging closer to 40 ,will be 40 in September ,I have official been single forever ,and not had sex ever!!

I have been rejected by all men ,even one who fell for me then rejected I have been rejected by my soulmate .

Inside it feels horrible ,leaves you thinking what’s wrong with you,? Why so much bad luck? What evil have I done to deserve so much rejection and pain? Am I ugly ?

I have done nothing wrong but be an honest caring loving person always been nice to people and given them love and made them feel good…in return they brake my heart leave me crying in bed this I’ve been doing now all my life…for once in my life I’d like happiness and love ,loyalty and friendship and passion ,never had that ever…why don’t you like me??

Being Single forever effects you in older life

JoBarkerLeave a comment

I’am turning 39 this September then after that it’s the big four O , and alot of sadness that I’ve had all my life has got worse.

It Effects badly ,I have been single all my life Not by choice, I have not experienced a relationship love or romance or sex ,It effects me really badly… especially now as I see my 30s and 20s disappear into a historic fog.

I try not to think about it but it’s there and fills my eyes with tears, my whole life I’ve always wanted a relationship with Mr right and a good sex life .not experienceing it really depresses me , people don’t no how lucky they are to have had that , but people like me who haven’t just want to be a loyal faithful loving partner to love and enjoy life with.

There is someone who has feelings for me and had done for 6 years , but he won’t admit it ,this makes me feel worse …I mean why won’t he just say ,it’s so obvious, he gets nervous around me and shows all the signs ,yet he won’t admit he loves me.

It’s driving me crazy coz we could of spent our 30s together happy and now we can’t coz our 30s are going….I wish more then anything he would say it he would feel better and at ease for it and I will feel better to.

I wish I could have my late teens 30s and 30s with him , and not miss out on love romance sex and lust , I’am not looking forward to being a 40 year old virgin ,it’s so depressing,sad thing is I can’t get the years back ,no one has ever given me a chance ,I’ve been rejected throughout the years.

My sex drive is still high but there is sod all I can do about it ,my body wants a real man not some toy . Being single forever and reaching your later years is so awful and it effects you emotionally. It effects your life and thinking what you wanted but could never have no matter how hard you tried.Its very sad and awful …I often wonder if my lack of love life was cursed ,being single forever is awful and there’s nothing I can do because I’ve tried it’s sad when your unwanted and have no partner to share your life with it’s also very scary …I never wanted this .

Lost Soul wondering aimlessly

JoBarkerLeave a comment

I was told by the spirits he was the one , in 2016 they kept telling me he is your soulmate.

I tried to ignore them because I didn’t want to get hurt or rejected.But I felt A special chemistry bound with him , he the only who has ever looked at me in a special way and shown interest.

Yet he rejects me 💔💔 I’m so confused ,I remember all the little things the signs, the time he saw me with a new hair cut his jaw dropped and he stuttered , Flower emojis he sent …he even sent flirty texts.

He held my hand in a special way when we had a deep talk together ,he removed my bag strap when it got stuck on a chair. He kept the paintings I made him ,he checked out my bum at the pub 😄.

But yet with out chemistry and me finding myself when I found him , my empty soul feeling warm and complete….he rejects me???

In 2016 I did my very very best to ignore the spirits as I didn’t want rejection and heart brake but they just wouldn’t have it….think one is my grandad and the other Rick Parfitt (spirit bit later not 2016 .2019 -now…..repenting I think ?

I have so much special little memory’s of him that matter so much he is the love of my life ,I try looking at other men but they are not him…he is so important I’ll never meet another perfect guy like him he is my soulmate ,If I can’t be with him I will love him still but I will die a virgin lonely with a dog coz he is the one.

I love our banter ,I miss our banter ,I love him calling me nicknames like misses and joking and flirting with me ,I love his hugs his personality his charm good looks ….love hurts ..

Iam now a soul wondering aimlessly confused and lost ,I will never love again no one can be him…from now on only lust and pureity….with me most likely pureity no one wants me 📿🙏 I will never get over him just always love him even when iam a old lonely lady with my faithful dog…that’s how I see my future …when my parents sadly pass in years ….I will have just me and a dog …..😭😭💔 .

You wonder about rejection , My life has been rejection it effects you emotionally , rejection is what I’ve had my whole life asking people out trying to make friends ect.All the time I end up lonely and feel scared of groups incase I’m judged…it’s not easy you also have no support just family support…..but when your family goes…. there is just you……this is one reason I wanted me right out of many….now what???2😭💔

I’m a lonely soul wondering aimlessly confused ……….

The Sex toys just Don’t do it for me

JoBarkerLeave a comment

Being a virgin for most of my life sadly , And 36 still no boyfriend ….got a nearly boyfriend he just needs to admit his feelings to me.

Anyhow Through out my life to get a feel of the sex I’ve never had I’ve been reading erotic book , had fantasy’s.

In my late teens early twenties I was a rock chick and had very erotic fantasy’s of Rock stars.

Richie sambora and John bon Jovi sometimes together

Paul Stanley Kiss and other member of kiss threesome or just Paul.

Rick Parfitt Francis Rossi threesome or Just Rick.

Then Had fantasys of James May from Top Gear to ,Snape from Harry Potter. Jack Sparrow and Jareth The Goblin King…phew.

I orgasamed in the fantasy s they were hot.

But my dildos all big 7inch ones seem to do nothing for me ( I use this size due to my very tight meow!!!

Thrust them fast and not one orgasam , don’t feel turned on by them.

I guess I’m only turned on by real men , especially the man I’m in love with I wish I could have him I need that closeness , love and hot sex.

Coved19 Quratine week5 …I think

JoBarkerLeave a comment

It will be April in one day , So far I’ve been entraining myself with erotic novels.

Makes me want sex even more , but only with the man I love. Sadly I’ve never experienced sex or a relationship as yet and I’m almost 40.

Its so depressing I want a orgasam I want to be pleased and dirty and I want please a man .

Let’s not go to my none existent frustrating love life …and the chase of the man I’m in love with ugh.

Apart from that I’ve been doing my art , going in garden for fresh air and using my exercise bike.

There’s only so much you can do right now.

I’ve never experienced anything like this , the world completely shut down , how long will we stay sane who knows.

The clocks went forward Saturday …..but I got it wrong thought it was Sunday. So woke up late on Sunday and today still jetlagged.

Trying to get used to longer days and clocks forward , not there yet as it was nearly 10am when I woke up.

Erm think that’s it.