asburgers – Joanna Barker day in a life

As a teen in late 90s

11th September 2026 JoBarkerLeave a comment

Due to my autism and the fact I got bullied no matter what school I was put in

I went to Ewing School Didsbury Manchester I was there 1996 -1999 I think.

The whole time I was at this school I saw a psychiatrist and felt upset.

1st story I’m telling you was one I recently told my friend ,School trip to Brittany France when I was age 13 or 14.It was more like a nightmare I shared a cabin in the ferry ⛴️ with two female teachers .

Before going to sleep I remember seeing the teachers ice cold eyes staring at me so I closed my eyes .

When we reached where we were staying it was an old rundown farmhouse in the middle of the countryside, with no street lights.

There were no carpets in one game room which teachers said only boys could use ….I think there was a living room but teachers said that was just for them…so we only had a garden and a table by a window.we also was not allowed in the kitchen.

We were not fed much . sandwich on french baguette and not much drink ..I ended up buying a large bag of crossettes and four large bottles of water to keep me going.

I remember the beach they took us to was a nudest beach ….think we were the only ones with clothes on ..

At my age it was shocking!!

At the end of the trip we were stuck at the ferry port due to French farmers protesting,so we had to sleep in a cold school gym on gym Matt’s and then catch the ferry the next day.

Later in my years at the school the headmistress Mrs Darbyshire really had it in for me ..

She had a go at me for small normal teenage things …and eventually she made sure the other teachers treated me badly too .

I was extremely depressed due to all of this ,my teens were destroyed by that school and it was that bad .

By the 1st year of college year 2000 still recovering from the school I ended up having anorexia for around a year.

And a further two break downs most recent was at age 23-24.

I feel I can write this blog about it now as I’am now 42 and it’s so far in the past that it cannot hurt me anymore ….I’m finally free of it…

Bible words help me to because I know I’ve suffered Alot but in a way it’s a post that if you suffer in your life you’re welcome to heaven because it’s almost like the suffering Jesus went through.

Loners who did not choose it

8th March 2025 JoBarkerLeave a comment

Last night I had one of my deep thinking moments ,as sometimes happens before I go to sleep.I was thinking about loners .

There are two types I know of Negative and positive , negative ones usually become worse than the ones who bullied them and sometimes become murders.

Positive ones don’t take it out on people ,they stay on the side of love no matter what,but none of us chose this path.I find myself thinking at night WHY??

I have tried socialising always ok as a child and early teens I was shy and it was more difficult,but as I got older I got more confidence ,spoke out more and braved it all,I even stood up to be bullies.

A couple of bullies I asked why don’t you like me.?

They answered. “because you’re a loser” “Because you don’t go on a break “( because they never say with me!!)

Some side” just because?”

It’s hard finding a social group at the moment but there seems to be lots of them in Thornton cleveleys If summers are noisy this year my parents and I may retire there.

I also know I’m not the only one I know there are others like me with the same issues ,thinking at night why?we try to be nice friendly and good manners so it’s not us it’s them.

I’m 41 now and still no solid group of friends I have one friend who texts I’ve known him for almost 10 years now.

I’m not shy anymore I’m confident and speak my mind but also look out for people and stay caring and thoughts.

Despite all the nasty bad people I will always follow my heart and be carrying and loving and always be me.

I will not let it turn me into a nasty evil bully that’s the weak way of dealing with it.

As for the WHy? I cannot answer that one yet still figuring it out ,maybe god’s saving us for something , honestly I don’t know. But if you’re a loner who has not chosen to be don’t turn to the dark side stay strong loving and caring ,love is stronger than hate.

Need Art Group back In my life 😭

10th June 2022 JoBarkerLeave a comment

Since stupid COVID my art group closed ,and with that my social life and life as I knew it went back to how it was before art group.

At Art group every Tuesday it was the highlight of my week I got to socialize,meet people and have a laugh and banter I miss everyone so much.We had such good times ,I was so happy.

Over the COVID years to stay happy I keep my sad feelings bottled up that includes missing art group and missing my special friend who texts me alot …but we need to start meeting in person again😭💔.I try to stay positive and happy as that is how I’d rather be ad life’s too short.

But every now and again I need to cry and think about these things and last night I did that,I have always found making friends hard and also my love life has always been at 0 ,Nearing 40 it gets to me worse than ever I’ve missed out on so.

In this modern era with WOKE people it’s so much harder to make friends as people get offended by everything ,you’re constantly walking on egg shells because you can’t say anything.

I’m from old school as you have seen in my blogs , I believe freedom of speech , expressing and discussing options in an adult mature way Woke people don’t do this if they don’t like your opinion they call you names get nasty and mean…very childish.

I’m on the search for a new social group in case my much loved art group does not start up again, it’s a hard search ….but important as I need a decent social life and to enjoy life and have good times because we only get one chance at life.

much

I’am not mentally Ill

6th February 2022 JoBarkerLeave a comment

I think some people still have yet to understand what having ADHD, Asburgers ,and Autism is.

A woman in a discussion I was having claimed it was a mental illness ….now I’m not easly offended, but this really shook me up.

I’am not I’ll with my Asburgers it does not make me sick ,I’am not metal I do not need a straight jacket or to be locked away. Some people still in this day and age do not understand that having “Special Needs ” is not a Illness it is part of who we are as a person

I’am deeply offended to be labeled as mentally ill because I was born unique ,my mum and dad are happy that I was born this way .

I have never broken the law , I’ve never taken drugs and never slept around or got in with the wrong people , I’ve always been good …..ok maybe not a little kid was still learning ….but I’ve not done anything that would class me “mentally Ill”.

Its not just me this would upset but hundreds of others like me , we are each unique with different capabilities as normal as any other human on earth ….but we are not I’ll and we are not suffering !!!!

I’m artistic I spend my time creating art , doing exercises , I’am religious and spiritual and have a caring heart and alot of compassion and emotions,my parents are proud of me and are happy with me just as I’am.

Please If someone says they have any of the above ,do not judge them do not talk down to them , do not treat them as if they are slow and do not say they are mentally Ill, as it is offensive and upsetting.

Lost Soul wondering aimlessly

14th June 202114th June 2021 JoBarkerLeave a comment

I was told by the spirits he was the one , in 2016 they kept telling me he is your soulmate.

I tried to ignore them because I didn’t want to get hurt or rejected.But I felt A special chemistry bound with him , he the only who has ever looked at me in a special way and shown interest.

Yet he rejects me 💔💔 I’m so confused ,I remember all the little things the signs, the time he saw me with a new hair cut his jaw dropped and he stuttered , Flower emojis he sent …he even sent flirty texts.

He held my hand in a special way when we had a deep talk together ,he removed my bag strap when it got stuck on a chair. He kept the paintings I made him ,he checked out my bum at the pub 😄.

But yet with out chemistry and me finding myself when I found him , my empty soul feeling warm and complete….he rejects me???

In 2016 I did my very very best to ignore the spirits as I didn’t want rejection and heart brake but they just wouldn’t have it….think one is my grandad and the other Rick Parfitt (spirit bit later not 2016 .2019 -now…..repenting I think ?

I have so much special little memory’s of him that matter so much he is the love of my life ,I try looking at other men but they are not him…he is so important I’ll never meet another perfect guy like him he is my soulmate ,If I can’t be with him I will love him still but I will die a virgin lonely with a dog coz he is the one.

I love our banter ,I miss our banter ,I love him calling me nicknames like misses and joking and flirting with me ,I love his hugs his personality his charm good looks ….love hurts ..

Iam now a soul wondering aimlessly confused and lost ,I will never love again no one can be him…from now on only lust and pureity….with me most likely pureity no one wants me 📿🙏 I will never get over him just always love him even when iam a old lonely lady with my faithful dog…that’s how I see my future …when my parents sadly pass in years ….I will have just me and a dog …..😭😭💔 .

You wonder about rejection , My life has been rejection it effects you emotionally , rejection is what I’ve had my whole life asking people out trying to make friends ect.All the time I end up lonely and feel scared of groups incase I’m judged…it’s not easy you also have no support just family support…..but when your family goes…. there is just you……this is one reason I wanted me right out of many….now what???2😭💔

I’m a lonely soul wondering aimlessly confused ……….

What’s the difference / there is not one.

3rd August 2020 JoBarkerLeave a comment

I honestly had enough of Black lives matter protests ,if your white and have a option you try to express you get called racist.

So on this blog I want to show you something I have noticed.

Lee Rigby good man who served his country killed by two black man brutally , no protests going on for weeks on end.

George Floyed Criminal drugs and used gun on pregnant girlfriend,killed by police officer , protests go on and on and on causeing more racism makeing people angry and depressed.

Saying white lives matter is racist yet saying black lives matter is not ?? What’s the difference same thing!!

White person says Black person ect ect gets called racist.

Black person says black and it’s not racist??

Black person says white person not racist huh??

Black and Asians get societys and things just for them , white people do not ,

I say I’m not racist and I’m honestly not never have been ,In against violence and hate crimes , People cause hate crimes to me coz I’m autistic .I want equelaty and to be able to express my options without getting abuse of people.

Right now there is no equelaty ,it’s very depressing and with covid and blacklivesmatter bangging on all the time I’ve found my self feeling sad upset , I’m going to get my Bible out and read revaltions because it feels like the end of the world.

The truth is if your white you can’t say anything ,this blog here I try to express my point , but most likely evil nasty people and the youngsters will see it as a target to abuse me and call me nasty things, which is uncalled for! Btw Don’t try it I’m 36 and heard it all before ( yes I know I can’t spell I’m autistic and human which means I’m not perfect!)

What happend to freedom of speech ,there is none coz if you say anything which is your independent option , you get abuse , which is a childish way of dealing with things .

Pigs will fly befour I’m allowed to express my options and the UK will never be how it was .sadly it has been doomed since all illegal immigrants came in .

Love no law agaist

18th January 2019 JoBarkerLeave a comment

Social worker friend who Iam in love with, He cares for people serverly disabled and he also has ADHD. I have Asburgers and know my own mind ect, his support worker friend said I cannot have a relashionship with him becouse he is a care worker ( NOT FOR ME AS I DO NOT NEED A CARE WORKER) she said its against the law for me and him to be a couple if ever we wanted to be? Is this true??

Also he is 100% my soulmate as I have a special bond and chesmisty with him, Since I met him the empty missing piece of my soul has filled/healed.

What she said hounestly angered and upset me , I have beeb mulling over it all week , also going through law with fine tooth comb, asking officals in Mancap, court, and head goverment minster of social workers.

I’m not easly angered as I’m a calm careing person .

I know I dont trust her , to be hounest my family and I dont trust care social workers (except my friend Chris).

Love has not got a law and if she does keep me and him apart, you will see Romeo juliet story in the news where I die coz im jept away from most importent man in my life .

The letter would say I love chris you tried to keep us apart ( ) my blood is on your hands!

Anyway so dar its not going romeo juliet way( thank god) Like I said I’ve been researchibg this with a fine tooth comb .

Its only illiagal if he is my care worker and I’m his client.

Which Iam not! Iam his friend , I’d gladly go to court or prison for loving him Im so angery and upset by what she said , even though I know she is wrong.

I need to relax and clear my mind as I do nit like anger ( as Yoda is right).