Category: pain

Rejection affects you all your life

JoBarker3 Comments

I have been rejected and judged by people since I was a kid.

I remember sitting on a cold step in playing ground crying and alone ,not noticing the bell to come in and still sitting there in silence…..this is rejection.

I’ve been single forever ,I have never had a relationship never had sex never had companionship ….sadly missed out on these wonderful things ….not by choice,by other people’s choices

I’m now 40 and the rejection is not just of men but lack of friends to and social life is still with my hurting It affects you your whole life .Emotionally it does not completely go as it is still happening.

I noticed since my late to mid 20s I lost all hope ,I don’t get hopeful because I just expect the worst ,Because sadly that is what happens ,I have no hope left in me ,sadly because I know I’ll be rejected and worst is always going to happen to me.

Then I ask myself ,am I ugly? What is wrong with me? Why does a man not want me? Why do people not want to be friends?

I try to be a good person I treat people as I’d like to be be treated my self ,I have good manners ,show people I care ….yet here I am 40 years old unmarried no social life apart from at church and in text messages???

Why ? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t people love me like I love them? I feel cursed like I’ve done something really really evil to suffer this the whole of my life .

At age 28 I said to myself I condemn myself to my fate I will most likely die old and alone and have a poorpas grave …if I’m really lucky I’ll have a faithful dog by my side.

But that is where I see my future ,this is also why dogs are important to my life they love you they are there they bring you happiness when no one else will.

Things I’ve lost: HOPE ,LUCK ,HAPPYNESS

Things I have to give : Love , Loyalty,faith,compaction,friendship

I have a lot of love in my heart I try to tell family and anyone I care about I love them because I will regret it if I don’t and if something bad happens it’s important to tell people you love them as it brings happiness.

Not being told your loved or cared for you get tears rejection pain and cry on your pillow endless nights ….I’m 40 and still do that I’ve been doing that since I can remember.

I can only dream of what it’s like to be loved by a man and that is most likely all it ever will be …just a dream that will never happen….it’s painful knowing this future and not experiencing having love from someone ….it would probably make me the happiest woman on earth if it did happen..

But until then sadness will always dwell with me.

Being Single forever effects you in older life

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I’am turning 39 this September then after that it’s the big four O , and alot of sadness that I’ve had all my life has got worse.

It Effects badly ,I have been single all my life Not by choice, I have not experienced a relationship love or romance or sex ,It effects me really badly… especially now as I see my 30s and 20s disappear into a historic fog.

I try not to think about it but it’s there and fills my eyes with tears, my whole life I’ve always wanted a relationship with Mr right and a good sex life .not experienceing it really depresses me , people don’t no how lucky they are to have had that , but people like me who haven’t just want to be a loyal faithful loving partner to love and enjoy life with.

There is someone who has feelings for me and had done for 6 years , but he won’t admit it ,this makes me feel worse …I mean why won’t he just say ,it’s so obvious, he gets nervous around me and shows all the signs ,yet he won’t admit he loves me.

It’s driving me crazy coz we could of spent our 30s together happy and now we can’t coz our 30s are going….I wish more then anything he would say it he would feel better and at ease for it and I will feel better to.

I wish I could have my late teens 30s and 30s with him , and not miss out on love romance sex and lust , I’am not looking forward to being a 40 year old virgin ,it’s so depressing,sad thing is I can’t get the years back ,no one has ever given me a chance ,I’ve been rejected throughout the years.

My sex drive is still high but there is sod all I can do about it ,my body wants a real man not some toy . Being single forever and reaching your later years is so awful and it effects you emotionally. It effects your life and thinking what you wanted but could never have no matter how hard you tried.Its very sad and awful …I often wonder if my lack of love life was cursed ,being single forever is awful and there’s nothing I can do because I’ve tried it’s sad when your unwanted and have no partner to share your life with it’s also very scary …I never wanted this .

Lost Soul wondering aimlessly

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I was told by the spirits he was the one , in 2016 they kept telling me he is your soulmate.

I tried to ignore them because I didn’t want to get hurt or rejected.But I felt A special chemistry bound with him , he the only who has ever looked at me in a special way and shown interest.

Yet he rejects me 💔💔 I’m so confused ,I remember all the little things the signs, the time he saw me with a new hair cut his jaw dropped and he stuttered , Flower emojis he sent …he even sent flirty texts.

He held my hand in a special way when we had a deep talk together ,he removed my bag strap when it got stuck on a chair. He kept the paintings I made him ,he checked out my bum at the pub 😄.

But yet with out chemistry and me finding myself when I found him , my empty soul feeling warm and complete….he rejects me???

In 2016 I did my very very best to ignore the spirits as I didn’t want rejection and heart brake but they just wouldn’t have it….think one is my grandad and the other Rick Parfitt (spirit bit later not 2016 .2019 -now…..repenting I think ?

I have so much special little memory’s of him that matter so much he is the love of my life ,I try looking at other men but they are not him…he is so important I’ll never meet another perfect guy like him he is my soulmate ,If I can’t be with him I will love him still but I will die a virgin lonely with a dog coz he is the one.

I love our banter ,I miss our banter ,I love him calling me nicknames like misses and joking and flirting with me ,I love his hugs his personality his charm good looks ….love hurts ..

Iam now a soul wondering aimlessly confused and lost ,I will never love again no one can be him…from now on only lust and pureity….with me most likely pureity no one wants me 📿🙏 I will never get over him just always love him even when iam a old lonely lady with my faithful dog…that’s how I see my future …when my parents sadly pass in years ….I will have just me and a dog …..😭😭💔 .

You wonder about rejection , My life has been rejection it effects you emotionally , rejection is what I’ve had my whole life asking people out trying to make friends ect.All the time I end up lonely and feel scared of groups incase I’m judged…it’s not easy you also have no support just family support…..but when your family goes…. there is just you……this is one reason I wanted me right out of many….now what???2😭💔

I’m a lonely soul wondering aimlessly confused ……….

Why Do people feel the need to be Nasty to total strangers.??

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For many many years online on chatrooms , news posts Facebook and Twitter ,we have all tried to express our options on things .

Sadly bullys don’t like other people’s options and start being nasty. It’s awful I can’t understand why total strangers feel the need to be Nasty to someone. Just because they don’t have the same option.

They pick on spelling mistakes ( don’t worry no one’s a perfect speller Iam dreadful).They pick on your looks ,you could be stunning , but because they don’t except your option they say your ugly….childish I know!!

Evil bullys online who are nasty just because you don’t share their options are not worth it. I just block and report them , Don’t even reply to their comments because that’s what they want.

I’m 37 I’ve been bullied pretty much my whole life ,but I have now reached that stage of my life where I think…Yawn same typical bully comments how boring are THEY..yawn got better things going on in my life then worrying what these twits say.

It’s True they ALL use the same insults bullys are boring and predictable and not worth getting upset about , any nice carding person is better then a evil nasty person.

If any of my readers do have these issues on Facebook ,Twitter ect , just block them Don’t even reply to them also report them ,it’s the best thing to do they are not worth it.

Why are People nasty to complete strangers…..Sadly I cannot answer that ,but we are all allowed to express our options on news ect ,we don’t need some idiot making nasty comment because they disagree ,Real Adults would just try and agree to disagree and not be childish.

Don’t judge ALL MEN , Women are evil to.

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YES I’am a woman writing this ,and before you pounce on me for standing up for men , let me tell you my stories.
College in my 20s on period man dragged me to park to try have sex with me , when I did not want to.
Mid 20s African girl and her group of friends threaten to kill me just coz they didn’t like me.
30s bus stopped at wrong stop Asian men in groups hooted at me like sum sex object.

Ok with that out the way,Not all men are bad yes you get bad ones but that is life , you get bad women to , in that we are equal.
The woman in the photo she is Joanna Christine Dennehy a woman serial killer from The UK , she killed men for makeing sexural advances towards her . She is cold she is evil she is not safe to go near. She luckily is in jail for life.
My point is please don’t judge all men the same, women to can be just as bad.
Good and evil of both sexes are on earth not just one sex.
Women to have been sexural predictors some teachers , some like Mira Hindly .
I think heterosexual men get to much stick these days they are treated wrong .They haven’t even got proper men’s sports now  without some female commintator sticking her ore in .
I’am and always will stand up for the good men of this world and there rights. It’s awful the way they are treated , men need something of there own to feel masculine , sports club smoking whisky room , something , they should not have to share it with women. We have are own private women things so like men have there’s.
Just think before you judge not all men are bad , there are some really nice guys out there.

YOUR NEVER ALONE WHEN YOU DIE .

JoBarker1 Comment

I want to comfort people who have lost family and friends to Covid 19.

Many people have died but come back , and have told us of what happens when you die.

Please do not worry , your loved ones were and are never alone (it’s up to you if you believe or not).

But spirits of relatives and Friends who may have died in the past ….or some cases pets watch over us.

When it is our time someone we knew in our life joins us and takes us to the next world .

When your soul leaves your physical body the pain is gone , becouse the pain was in your body not your spirit or soul.

My Mum’s best friend who sadly passed away of Cancer way before Covid 19 , became free of her pain and she got her hair back , I hear her voice sometimes,I hear spirits angels they guide and protect.

No one is ever completely alone ,you have spirits and angel as company who are there for you , once you die you are happy in the next life and your pain is gone, you can stay in heaven or come back to earth as a ghost and wait for your soulmate to join you and watch over your loved ones.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE , THEY ARE NOT ALONE , NOBODY IS ALONE.

Coved19 week 6 First week of April.

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First this week Nan called to say Step Grandad was put into hospital .

Clocks went forward so I’ve been waking up at 10am not 9Am ,Still not used to the times as yet.

Friday Step Grandad died in Hospital from Cover 19 after only 3 days.

I was told today by my parents this morning.

2020 is turning out to be a very slow depressing year , that’s taking members of everyone’s family’s away.

It reminds me of a apocalypse so far more people are dieing each day and it has don’t disappeared as yet.

This means we can’t go back to normal life yet,the love of my life says he will hug me when and If we next meet , so I’ll look forward to being held in his strong arms.

Nothing much else has happened being stuck at home only so much can happen.

Crappy Valentine’s Day

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I’am the most Unluckyist person in the whole world. First my love life in a nut shell,

Teens: Single , rejected

20s: Single ,Rejected

30s Still single , Still a virgin at 36 ….but with a difference , I finally met my Soulmate in 2015 .

I’ve known for years he likes me it’s so flipping obvious signs of why,

1. He blushes

2. He looks and smiles at me

3.looks away ( he is shy)

4.awkward silences

5.copies my moves

6.looks at me

7.struggles when talking to me

8.shows off acts funny

9.treats me different from the other women.

That’s some If I put them all we will be here forever.

He has been in love with me 4 years but won’t admit it, which is awful , becouse this is such a nice special feeling .

I appreciate it becouse No one has ever loved me befour it’s means alot, I cannot understand why he hides ( TRIES TO HIDE BUT FAILS AS I KNOW) his feelings and does not want me to know.

It’s very frustrating and confusing .He is a sensative ,careing warm guy brown eyes which have a sparkle to them , his eyes show he loves me and he is me soulmate.

Any How I’am currently 36 years old a virgin. Never been woed romanced , never had passion , only sex I’ve seen is on HBOs on TV and Internet ….and sex books.

It gets wrose as you get older February the 14th depresses you ,I would love and be so proud to call him my boyfriend I love him so much , day he finally says he loves me will be the happyest day of my life , but for now and for last 4 years of knowing him I have suffered.

So to all men if you are hidding your feelings and not telling a woman your in love with her.

TELL HER , TELL HER JUST TELL HER .If you don’t tell her it will just eat you up inside and won’t help your life or hers .

Being in love makes you feel young and happy embrace it , feelings emotions are great wonderful things life’s to short , if you are in love say it ….yes it’s a risk but it is a risk wroth taking just do it!!!!

Love no law agaist

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Social worker friend who Iam in love with, He cares for people serverly disabled and he also has ADHD. I have Asburgers and know my own mind ect, his support worker friend said I cannot have a relashionship with him becouse he is a care worker ( NOT FOR ME AS I DO NOT NEED A CARE WORKER) she said its against the law for me and him to be a couple if ever we wanted to be? Is this true??

Also he is 100% my soulmate as I have a special bond and chesmisty with him, Since I met him the empty missing piece of my soul has filled/healed.

What she said hounestly angered and upset me , I have beeb mulling over it all week , also going through law with fine tooth comb, asking officals in Mancap, court, and head goverment minster of social workers.

I’m not easly angered as I’m a calm careing person .

I know I dont trust her , to be hounest my family and I dont trust care social workers (except my friend Chris).

Love has not got a law and if she does keep me and him apart, you will see Romeo juliet story in the news where I die coz im jept away from most importent man in my life .

The letter would say I love chris you tried to keep us apart ( ) my blood is on your hands!

Anyway so dar its not going romeo juliet way( thank god) Like I said I’ve been researchibg this with a fine tooth comb .

Its only illiagal if he is my care worker and I’m his client.

Which Iam not! Iam his friend , I’d gladly go to court or prison for loving him Im so angery and upset by what she said , even though I know she is wrong.

I need to relax and clear my mind as I do nit like anger ( as Yoda is right).

Tears For The Fallen

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Tears for the fallen , they fought for our country ,

Put their lives on the line , they died for us in shells raining and drowned in mud .

Tears for the fallen brave were they as they faced a battle in difficult times.

Tears for the fallen poppys grow when men still lie , forever asleep time passses them by.

In the end war still goes on , our country is over run , not by a army , by people taking advantage.

In the end they lost their lives for a country taken from under us, these brave men died for us , the government gave us away , In the end all was lost Soliders cry as they see the living try to be British and strong.

In the end we lost all ,