Category: heartbroken

Sometimes I just want to live on a Island

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How the UK is now being destroyed by illegal immigrants and messing up our culture ,our religion and beliefs.

It is depressing and on social media seeing big companies  brands ect saying Eid Mubarak just hurts so much.

We are a Christian country and some stupid people stand up for Muslims/Islam clearly they’ve forgotten 9/11,…7/7…Lee Rigby ,3 Southport girls ,London bridge ,Spanish train bomb ,France ,Amsterdam all caused by Muslim terrorist…they are evil and not peaceful they kill Christians gays they kill none believers they treat women like dirt…..change your minds now!!!!

It’s getting so bad that sometimes I wish I could be away from it all on a peaceful island ,just far away from politics ,woke ,immigrants and the mess the UK is in ,it is very depressing….sadly I have suffered from depression most of my life .

So this does not help seeing the country go like this hurts me sickened me and brakes my heart I feel like screaming and crying sometimes ,just want it  be made better or for me to move away far away away from it all.

Loners who did not choose it

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Last night I had one of my deep thinking moments ,as sometimes happens before I go to sleep.I was thinking about loners .

There are two types I know of Negative and positive , negative ones usually  become worse than the ones who bullied them and sometimes become murders.

Positive ones don’t take it out on people ,they stay on the side of love no matter what,but none of us chose this path.I find myself thinking at night WHY??

I have tried socialising always ok as a child and early teens I was shy and it was more difficult,but as I got older I got more confidence ,spoke out more and braved it all,I even stood up to be bullies.

A couple of bullies I asked why don’t you like me.?

They answered. “because you’re a loser” “Because you don’t go on a break “( because they never say with me!!)

Some side” just because?”

It’s hard finding a social group at the moment but there seems to be lots of them in Thornton cleveleys If summers are noisy this year my parents and I may retire there.

I also know I’m not the only one I know there are others like me with the same issues ,thinking at night why?we try to be nice friendly and good manners so it’s not us it’s them.

I’m 41 now and still no solid group of friends I have one friend who texts I’ve known him for almost 10 years now.

I’m not shy anymore I’m confident and speak my mind but also look out for people and stay caring and thoughts.

Despite all the nasty bad people I will always follow my heart and be carrying and loving and always be me.

I will not let it turn me into a nasty evil bully that’s the weak way of dealing with it.

As for the WHy? I cannot answer that one yet still figuring it out ,maybe god’s saving us for something , honestly I don’t know. But if you’re a loner who has not chosen to be don’t turn to the dark side stay strong loving and caring ,love is stronger than hate.

Currently ill

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I am currently ill with

vasculitis and Deviated septum ,the Deviated septum I’ve had a while just it has got worse I can hardly breath on the right side of my nose.

On the left side of my nose I have had a nose bleed since September which is part of the vasculitis.

Narrow blood vessels have been infected and caused me to have blisters which looks like from the plague ughhhh and a rash that won’t go away.

My rash has nearly disappeared 4 times each time coming back worse,the blisters are so unbearable and sensitive

I’ve sometimes been crying because it affects you mentally as well as physically because you can’t exercise or do much walking ,hot showers are off because they all set the rash off.

I can’t shave my legs because if I catch the razor on the blisters I’d be with a bacterial infection which is worse ,I feel quite down it’s all upsetting I miss my normal life I miss my weights and being able to do things.

Hope it gets better soon if anyone else has suffered from this please comment below with outcomes and happy positive ones hopefully.

What it feels like to still be single near 40

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I am edging closer to 40 ,will be 40 in September ,I have official been single forever ,and not had sex ever!!

I have been rejected by all men ,even one who fell for me then rejected I have been rejected by my soulmate .

Inside it feels horrible ,leaves you thinking what’s wrong with you,? Why so much bad luck? What evil have I done to deserve so much rejection and pain? Am I ugly ?

I have done nothing wrong but be an honest caring loving person always been nice to people and given them love and made them feel good…in return they brake my heart leave me crying in bed this I’ve been doing now all my life…for once in my life I’d like happiness and love ,loyalty and friendship and passion ,never had that ever…why don’t you like me??

Need Art Group back In my life 😭

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Since stupid COVID my art group closed ,and with that my social life and life as I knew it went back to how it was before art group.

At Art group every Tuesday it was the highlight of my week I got to socialize,meet people and have a laugh and banter I miss everyone so much.We had such good times ,I was so happy.

Over the COVID years to stay happy I keep my sad feelings bottled up that includes missing art group and missing my special friend who texts me alot …but we need to start meeting in person again😭💔.I try to stay positive and happy as that is how I’d rather be ad life’s too short.

But every now and again I need to cry and think about these things and last night I did that,I have always found making friends hard and also my love life has always been at 0 ,Nearing 40 it gets to me worse than ever I’ve missed out on so.

In this modern era with WOKE people it’s so much harder to make friends as people get offended by everything ,you’re constantly walking on egg shells because you can’t say anything.

I’m from old school as you have seen in my blogs , I believe freedom of speech , expressing and discussing options in an adult mature way Woke people don’t do this if they don’t like your opinion they call you names get nasty and mean…very childish.

I’m on the search for a new social group in case my much loved art group does not start up again, it’s a hard search ….but important as I need a decent social life and to enjoy life and have good times because we only get one chance at life.

much

Being Single forever effects you in older life

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I’am turning 39 this September then after that it’s the big four O , and alot of sadness that I’ve had all my life has got worse.

It Effects badly ,I have been single all my life Not by choice, I have not experienced a relationship love or romance or sex ,It effects me really badly… especially now as I see my 30s and 20s disappear into a historic fog.

I try not to think about it but it’s there and fills my eyes with tears, my whole life I’ve always wanted a relationship with Mr right and a good sex life .not experienceing it really depresses me , people don’t no how lucky they are to have had that , but people like me who haven’t just want to be a loyal faithful loving partner to love and enjoy life with.

There is someone who has feelings for me and had done for 6 years , but he won’t admit it ,this makes me feel worse …I mean why won’t he just say ,it’s so obvious, he gets nervous around me and shows all the signs ,yet he won’t admit he loves me.

It’s driving me crazy coz we could of spent our 30s together happy and now we can’t coz our 30s are going….I wish more then anything he would say it he would feel better and at ease for it and I will feel better to.

I wish I could have my late teens 30s and 30s with him , and not miss out on love romance sex and lust , I’am not looking forward to being a 40 year old virgin ,it’s so depressing,sad thing is I can’t get the years back ,no one has ever given me a chance ,I’ve been rejected throughout the years.

My sex drive is still high but there is sod all I can do about it ,my body wants a real man not some toy . Being single forever and reaching your later years is so awful and it effects you emotionally. It effects your life and thinking what you wanted but could never have no matter how hard you tried.Its very sad and awful …I often wonder if my lack of love life was cursed ,being single forever is awful and there’s nothing I can do because I’ve tried it’s sad when your unwanted and have no partner to share your life with it’s also very scary …I never wanted this .

Lost Soul wondering aimlessly

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I was told by the spirits he was the one , in 2016 they kept telling me he is your soulmate.

I tried to ignore them because I didn’t want to get hurt or rejected.But I felt A special chemistry bound with him , he the only who has ever looked at me in a special way and shown interest.

Yet he rejects me 💔💔 I’m so confused ,I remember all the little things the signs, the time he saw me with a new hair cut his jaw dropped and he stuttered , Flower emojis he sent …he even sent flirty texts.

He held my hand in a special way when we had a deep talk together ,he removed my bag strap when it got stuck on a chair. He kept the paintings I made him ,he checked out my bum at the pub 😄.

But yet with out chemistry and me finding myself when I found him , my empty soul feeling warm and complete….he rejects me???

In 2016 I did my very very best to ignore the spirits as I didn’t want rejection and heart brake but they just wouldn’t have it….think one is my grandad and the other Rick Parfitt (spirit bit later not 2016 .2019 -now…..repenting I think ?

I have so much special little memory’s of him that matter so much he is the love of my life ,I try looking at other men but they are not him…he is so important I’ll never meet another perfect guy like him he is my soulmate ,If I can’t be with him I will love him still but I will die a virgin lonely with a dog coz he is the one.

I love our banter ,I miss our banter ,I love him calling me nicknames like misses and joking and flirting with me ,I love his hugs his personality his charm good looks ….love hurts ..

Iam now a soul wondering aimlessly confused and lost ,I will never love again no one can be him…from now on only lust and pureity….with me most likely pureity no one wants me 📿🙏 I will never get over him just always love him even when iam a old lonely lady with my faithful dog…that’s how I see my future …when my parents sadly pass in years ….I will have just me and a dog …..😭😭💔 .

You wonder about rejection , My life has been rejection it effects you emotionally , rejection is what I’ve had my whole life asking people out trying to make friends ect.All the time I end up lonely and feel scared of groups incase I’m judged…it’s not easy you also have no support just family support…..but when your family goes…. there is just you……this is one reason I wanted me right out of many….now what???2😭💔

I’m a lonely soul wondering aimlessly confused ……….

Coved19 March 2020

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Week 1 &2

Week 1 : My art group where I socialise do Art and meet with my best friend in canteen, was cancelled.

This made me feel very sad intact I burst into tears , my fear is never seeing my friends or art group again.

Tuesdays Art group gave me happyness and my friend he gives me lots of happyness if I lost him I’d die.

Week 2 Mum & I always go to Hampshire in March to visit family ,also have a few days out.

1st change we saw was the service station at Warwick was almost empty.

On a Normal day the service station would be full.

Supermarkets have been mad to much ques and people panic buying, There is no need for this .

If you just did your normal shopping and didn’t panic , we would still have lots of stuff and not have run out .

Victoria Park Hampshire was so busy , becouse we are all aloud to go for healthy walks in parks , I loved seeing all the happy doggies having walks as I love dogs.

My only fears at the moment are

  1. My Dad who has underlying health issues getting coved19
  2. Not seeing Chris again
  3. Not seeing friends in art group again
  4. Normality and being able to live a normal life going for cafe shopping days out ect ect .
  5. That’s all that’s worrying me .
  6. I urge you all to think of others and don’t panic buy and KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON!!!!!

Coved19 week 6 First week of April.

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First this week Nan called to say Step Grandad was put into hospital .

Clocks went forward so I’ve been waking up at 10am not 9Am ,Still not used to the times as yet.

Friday Step Grandad died in Hospital from Cover 19 after only 3 days.

I was told today by my parents this morning.

2020 is turning out to be a very slow depressing year , that’s taking members of everyone’s family’s away.

It reminds me of a apocalypse so far more people are dieing each day and it has don’t disappeared as yet.

This means we can’t go back to normal life yet,the love of my life says he will hug me when and If we next meet , so I’ll look forward to being held in his strong arms.

Nothing much else has happened being stuck at home only so much can happen.

Crappy Valentine’s Day

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I’am the most Unluckyist person in the whole world. First my love life in a nut shell,

Teens: Single , rejected

20s: Single ,Rejected

30s Still single , Still a virgin at 36 ….but with a difference , I finally met my Soulmate in 2015 .

I’ve known for years he likes me it’s so flipping obvious signs of why,

1. He blushes

2. He looks and smiles at me

3.looks away ( he is shy)

4.awkward silences

5.copies my moves

6.looks at me

7.struggles when talking to me

8.shows off acts funny

9.treats me different from the other women.

That’s some If I put them all we will be here forever.

He has been in love with me 4 years but won’t admit it, which is awful , becouse this is such a nice special feeling .

I appreciate it becouse No one has ever loved me befour it’s means alot, I cannot understand why he hides ( TRIES TO HIDE BUT FAILS AS I KNOW) his feelings and does not want me to know.

It’s very frustrating and confusing .He is a sensative ,careing warm guy brown eyes which have a sparkle to them , his eyes show he loves me and he is me soulmate.

Any How I’am currently 36 years old a virgin. Never been woed romanced , never had passion , only sex I’ve seen is on HBOs on TV and Internet ….and sex books.

It gets wrose as you get older February the 14th depresses you ,I would love and be so proud to call him my boyfriend I love him so much , day he finally says he loves me will be the happyest day of my life , but for now and for last 4 years of knowing him I have suffered.

So to all men if you are hidding your feelings and not telling a woman your in love with her.

TELL HER , TELL HER JUST TELL HER .If you don’t tell her it will just eat you up inside and won’t help your life or hers .

Being in love makes you feel young and happy embrace it , feelings emotions are great wonderful things life’s to short , if you are in love say it ….yes it’s a risk but it is a risk wroth taking just do it!!!!