Category: loss

Rejection affects you all your life

JoBarker3 Comments

I have been rejected and judged by people since I was a kid.

I remember sitting on a cold step in playing ground crying and alone ,not noticing the bell to come in and still sitting there in silence…..this is rejection.

I’ve been single forever ,I have never had a relationship never had sex never had companionship ….sadly missed out on these wonderful things ….not by choice,by other people’s choices

I’m now 40 and the rejection is not just of men but lack of friends to and social life is still with my hurting It affects you your whole life .Emotionally it does not completely go as it is still happening.

I noticed since my late to mid 20s I lost all hope ,I don’t get hopeful because I just expect the worst ,Because sadly that is what happens ,I have no hope left in me ,sadly because I know I’ll be rejected and worst is always going to happen to me.

Then I ask myself ,am I ugly? What is wrong with me? Why does a man not want me? Why do people not want to be friends?

I try to be a good person I treat people as I’d like to be be treated my self ,I have good manners ,show people I care ….yet here I am 40 years old unmarried no social life apart from at church and in text messages???

Why ? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t people love me like I love them? I feel cursed like I’ve done something really really evil to suffer this the whole of my life .

At age 28 I said to myself I condemn myself to my fate I will most likely die old and alone and have a poorpas grave …if I’m really lucky I’ll have a faithful dog by my side.

But that is where I see my future ,this is also why dogs are important to my life they love you they are there they bring you happiness when no one else will.

Things I’ve lost: HOPE ,LUCK ,HAPPYNESS

Things I have to give : Love , Loyalty,faith,compaction,friendship

I have a lot of love in my heart I try to tell family and anyone I care about I love them because I will regret it if I don’t and if something bad happens it’s important to tell people you love them as it brings happiness.

Not being told your loved or cared for you get tears rejection pain and cry on your pillow endless nights ….I’m 40 and still do that I’ve been doing that since I can remember.

I can only dream of what it’s like to be loved by a man and that is most likely all it ever will be …just a dream that will never happen….it’s painful knowing this future and not experiencing having love from someone ….it would probably make me the happiest woman on earth if it did happen..

But until then sadness will always dwell with me.

Lost Soul wondering aimlessly

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I was told by the spirits he was the one , in 2016 they kept telling me he is your soulmate.

I tried to ignore them because I didn’t want to get hurt or rejected.But I felt A special chemistry bound with him , he the only who has ever looked at me in a special way and shown interest.

Yet he rejects me 💔💔 I’m so confused ,I remember all the little things the signs, the time he saw me with a new hair cut his jaw dropped and he stuttered , Flower emojis he sent …he even sent flirty texts.

He held my hand in a special way when we had a deep talk together ,he removed my bag strap when it got stuck on a chair. He kept the paintings I made him ,he checked out my bum at the pub 😄.

But yet with out chemistry and me finding myself when I found him , my empty soul feeling warm and complete….he rejects me???

In 2016 I did my very very best to ignore the spirits as I didn’t want rejection and heart brake but they just wouldn’t have it….think one is my grandad and the other Rick Parfitt (spirit bit later not 2016 .2019 -now…..repenting I think ?

I have so much special little memory’s of him that matter so much he is the love of my life ,I try looking at other men but they are not him…he is so important I’ll never meet another perfect guy like him he is my soulmate ,If I can’t be with him I will love him still but I will die a virgin lonely with a dog coz he is the one.

I love our banter ,I miss our banter ,I love him calling me nicknames like misses and joking and flirting with me ,I love his hugs his personality his charm good looks ….love hurts ..

Iam now a soul wondering aimlessly confused and lost ,I will never love again no one can be him…from now on only lust and pureity….with me most likely pureity no one wants me 📿🙏 I will never get over him just always love him even when iam a old lonely lady with my faithful dog…that’s how I see my future …when my parents sadly pass in years ….I will have just me and a dog …..😭😭💔 .

You wonder about rejection , My life has been rejection it effects you emotionally , rejection is what I’ve had my whole life asking people out trying to make friends ect.All the time I end up lonely and feel scared of groups incase I’m judged…it’s not easy you also have no support just family support…..but when your family goes…. there is just you……this is one reason I wanted me right out of many….now what???2😭💔

I’m a lonely soul wondering aimlessly confused ……….

Covid 19 death tolls awful .

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Great Briton 22.123 death here now , it is so awful that so many people have died.

I think we should learn from other countries like New Zealand who haven’t had many deaths , they have fought off and protected there people really well.

I hope a vaccine/cure gets found soon becouse ,yes we all want normal life and freedom ….but right now lockdown keeps us safe from catching the virus and reduces it we need it to die out.

America can you please stop being so relaxed !!

You have the highest death toll almost 60 thousand people sadly lost there life’s.

Stay at home keep lockdown that’s how you stop it speeding and catching and get it to fizzle out.

Just stop being so relaxed , right now the whole world is in lockdown that includes you if you want people to live and the virus to die .

Stop being pig headed and lockdown .

YOUR NEVER ALONE WHEN YOU DIE .

JoBarker1 Comment

I want to comfort people who have lost family and friends to Covid 19.

Many people have died but come back , and have told us of what happens when you die.

Please do not worry , your loved ones were and are never alone (it’s up to you if you believe or not).

But spirits of relatives and Friends who may have died in the past ….or some cases pets watch over us.

When it is our time someone we knew in our life joins us and takes us to the next world .

When your soul leaves your physical body the pain is gone , becouse the pain was in your body not your spirit or soul.

My Mum’s best friend who sadly passed away of Cancer way before Covid 19 , became free of her pain and she got her hair back , I hear her voice sometimes,I hear spirits angels they guide and protect.

No one is ever completely alone ,you have spirits and angel as company who are there for you , once you die you are happy in the next life and your pain is gone, you can stay in heaven or come back to earth as a ghost and wait for your soulmate to join you and watch over your loved ones.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE , THEY ARE NOT ALONE , NOBODY IS ALONE.

Coved19 week 6 First week of April.

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First this week Nan called to say Step Grandad was put into hospital .

Clocks went forward so I’ve been waking up at 10am not 9Am ,Still not used to the times as yet.

Friday Step Grandad died in Hospital from Cover 19 after only 3 days.

I was told today by my parents this morning.

2020 is turning out to be a very slow depressing year , that’s taking members of everyone’s family’s away.

It reminds me of a apocalypse so far more people are dieing each day and it has don’t disappeared as yet.

This means we can’t go back to normal life yet,the love of my life says he will hug me when and If we next meet , so I’ll look forward to being held in his strong arms.

Nothing much else has happened being stuck at home only so much can happen.

Life Tuff decisions

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My parents keep talking about moving to Wales.

I do like Wales it’s peaceful , fresh and beautiful … complete opasit to Manchester…Also I love my parents very much and I’m close to them.

Also in 2015 I joined a art group and for first time in years I have friends and some sort of social life.

Which I haven’t had in many years. I fell in love with one Friend ,at first I didn’t …my grandad ghost guided me to him with flashing images and telling me he is his soulmate .

I tried to ignore it at first coz I’ve been single all my life and Unlucky in love. But I gave in , in the end , He makes me so happy , without him in my life I think I’d be really upset and down .

Happiest Ive been In Years is thank to art group friends and him, he makes me so happy, everytime I see him and Get a text from him I’m happy.

I don’t want to leave that, it’s so hard to make friends these days.

Without him I think I’d be really really sad , I’d also miss funny banter of art.

Ugh I don’t want to talk of Wales as a home to upsetting , to much to lose in Manchester 😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔 , right now my soul wants me to stay in Manchester as that is where my soulmate is and happyniess is, think I’ll have to chain my self to house so I can stay here.😭

Spiritual , religious and life after physical world

JoBarkerLeave a comment

I have been spiritual most of my life , first experience seeing my nan wave goodbye of staircase as a little girl ( that young was scared).

Teen experiences when I was depressed and stressed , I always felt like someone was in the room with me.

This was my guardian angel my beloved Grandad Barker , he protected me from myself , I was very depressed he kept me alive.

Over many years also have physic dreams , these see many things from places I may see in future ( which become dajavu ).Others are of people of events.

Also more recently since passing of mums best friend ( also spiritual), she gave message to me ( mental medium ) through my mind) saying goodbye and she was ok.

Soulmate part well I met him 2015 but again Grandad Barker helped me on this one he showed me flashing images and kept going on at me ” he is your soulmate,”.

I didn’t want to believe it coz I’ve been rejected by men all my life , 2016 while in Wales I just gave in , hopelessly I. Love …not with him yet …But my soul feel complete and I …can’t really explain the rest , it’s complex and spiritual .

I have a special connection with him, I see so much in his eyes ,We both get similar emotions together , our humour is similar .I love him so much I just hope we get together soon befour we get to old😭.

I believe in ghosts angel’s spirits, inside our physical body is our soul/spirit ,it is there and when your physical body dies this soul/spirit goes to another world of souls or stays as a ghost here to pass on messages , haunts ect.

All the above is connected .

Tears For The Fallen

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Tears for the fallen , they fought for our country ,

Put their lives on the line , they died for us in shells raining and drowned in mud .

Tears for the fallen brave were they as they faced a battle in difficult times.

Tears for the fallen poppys grow when men still lie , forever asleep time passses them by.

In the end war still goes on , our country is over run , not by a army , by people taking advantage.

In the end they lost their lives for a country taken from under us, these brave men died for us , the government gave us away , In the end all was lost Soliders cry as they see the living try to be British and strong.

In the end we lost all ,

I Really Miss My Toby Fluff

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I miss my dog so much , Toby was a Caviler King Charles Spaniel my favorite breed of dog.

He was my Toby fluff becouse he was fluffy so I called Him Toby fluff or fluffy fluff. He was a gentle dog who liked sleeping playing with his favroite ball.

He loved golf balls he could sniff them out like a pig of truffles.It hurts I notice he is no longer there ,why did he have to get ill?

He was intellegent to he could watch tv , and with his paw he would tap you if he wanted his dinner or to play.

I miss the feel of his silky soft fur his gentle licks and his bright eyes, his littile barks his waggy tails and his waggy bum he put models to shame becouse that dog could wiggle his bum better then any model.

Its so difficult … If Only I coukd have him back 😢😭😭💔💔💔